Remembering...One shot of happy

A few days ago I wrote about my mother and how I miss her in my life. I was very sad that day, but it's not the whole story...it was the 'two shots of sad'. But I left out the 'one shot of happy'...so here comes the 'one shot of happy'.

Tuesday I had my performance with my singinggroup 'The High Key' or 'de Hoge Noot'. And preparing for it, dressing up, putting my make-up on, I felt a now familiar feeling trickle through my vains, a feeling of recognition of deja-vu. While doing all those feminine things I felt my mother come close. It's like she and I blurred into one in that moment of time. I watched myself in the mirror and saw my mother look back. I still have a photograph of her where she looks so much like the one you can see here. It was a bit frightning, but it also felt safe, warm and happy.

The more I'm forgetting, the more I get this kind of deja-vu's. Sometimes I look a certain way and I think...that's the way my mother always looked, when... It's so strange and so natural to feel your face taking a pose that you know, is your mothers and now it's yours. Sometimes I look at my legs putting on stockings and I see my mothers legs, even when I sometimes laugh out loud I hear my mother in my voice. So she is not forgotten, not gone as long as I'm around, she lives through me and I'm happy to carry a bit of her inside me, making it my own and knowing she and I will always be together in that way.