Let there be light

Tried to go to work today, made it, but before 12, I was heading home again...so tired and so nauseated. Went to the doctor, guess what he told me, guess what he told me...try to have fun no matter what you do (just kidding). The ... fellow send me to the hospital to let my blood examined. I reeeeaaallly hate needles. So just to cheer me up and to forget that stupid man that never seems to take me seriously, I took some photo's about light, color, hope and ...

Really love my Marakesh Lamp, the things you can get out of just one object is amazing....

My sweetest things

"To Touch a Unicorn"
"Dreaming-Neko"
Sandy said the following:"It’s a great thing to be able to count your blessings, even the simplest ones. instructions: name ten (10) of life’s simple pleasures that you like the most." So here I go...just don't know how to tag anybody..ehhh.

1. Playing tag with my cat
2. Singing in the shower (and annoying the neighbours)
3. Running and feeling like I could go on for miles and miles and miles
4. Getting my teeth in some hunky man
5. Seeing a perfect picture and having my camera in my hand
6. Talking with an (old) friend for hours
7. Doing absolutely nothing while knowing that there is lots to do
8. (Day)dreaming
9. Watching people
10. Getting lost

And just one more for myself..
11. Not feeling so darn sick...

Under the weather

Feeling sick today. When will anybody pick up the phone so I can go back to bed and feel sorry for myself....bleh.

A thing of beauty

It's been a while since my body and my mind agreed on a possible lover. Leaving us 'both' unsatisfied and frustrated. So I fall back on one of my favorite pastimes... daydreaming. And when I do, one of the first images that springs to my minds eye is an old boyfriend of mine... Nothing more attractive then a man in action. In his case...running.

He is a big fellow and it is magnificent to watch him run. That large body in total balance, seemingly effortless, striding away the miles. Totally concentrated with eyes fixed on the horizon, a trickle of a smile on his luscious lips for feeling and savoring the power of his own limps, totally alive. Shutting out the world and letting it all in at the same time. Just remembering those images mixes with my own memories of running and feeling happy, exhilarated and peaceful at the same time. Oh how I miss running. For now just memories of supple muscles moving under glistening wet skin... Pffff mind and body, what about a truce?!

Let it rain down

So much for my usual trip with my beloved camera... Rain, rain and rain again...poring down like it's in a hurry. So there I stood with my camera in hand, getting detoxed the hard way. But there is no stopping the most determined addict. Pictures everywhere in this Wet Wonderworld. I began snapping some shots from behind my window and was surprised by the worlds I caught on camera...colors, graphics. Reminds me that there is always beauty and fun to be found in a setback. You just have to refocus your view on the world and from out of nowhere a new world appears and sits right in front of your face. Looking at you like...'Well that took you long enough, what kept you?!'

To drink or not to drink

To drink or not to drink, that seems to be the question. It's scary the way I can hold my liquor these days. Totally unexpected my friend M. came by yesterday and we went out and had a ball. She's still sleeping and I'm already wide awake...sigh. But it was fun, met a really funny and nice guy, flirted a lot....am practicing (and it's working) and laughed a lot. Even danced in the bar and no...not on the bar. And to my surprise a 23 year old guy was giving me the eye (hello P.), that was kind of strange, but hee I'm not complaining. The only part I didn't get, was saying goodbye to the older (funny, nice, me really like you) man... I had a good time, I flirted a lot, he flirted a lot and then...eh....what happened. Well my most trusted self, my tough, 'are you talking to me' self rushed around the corner and messed things up. Just because I seem to be a scardy pants at heart. Well dear older guy, I guess you should have gone dancing with us when we asked you. My ego can't stand rejection all too well because then the 'you know who' self steps in and takes over. But I know where your bar lives, guess I'll be stopping by more often. Yes, yes...to drink or not to drink...that's the question. Well it's almost summer, so let's play.

Stop throwing rocks at my sky

Drinking at Jackies

I've found me a new place to hang out, drink, chat with friends and dance all night. Welcome to Jackies. Yesterday it was getting late again, chatting away in, what a friend called, a bad episode of Sex in the City. Tonight Jackies is closed for business, because Jack's in Amsterdam. Hope she's having a good time. I know I did yesterday. Handy a bar/discotheque only two doors away.

Are you gonna think of me...7 Heavens High

Just a sentence that I wrote in a song a long time ago. It's wandering through my mind tonight. Strange how a few words can mean so little or so much, if you just keep them blurry enough. So are you gonna think of me...7 Heavens High?

A quick summary

Although it feels like old news, I still want to share my adventures and daydreams of the last few weeks. But I'll keep it short.

Blown away by hay-fever blues
The last few weeks I haven't been around much... I definitely have the hay-fever blues. The world bloomed in all colors, shapes and sizes. But although I really loved that sparkle and color, my body rejected it with all it's might. Leaving me breathless and tired and not in a good way. So it has been work, sleep, work, sleep for me, till the beautiful weather finally changed...and I was blown away...literally. Stormy weather raced through the skies and the streets of Holland, not just one afternoon, but days on end. I kinda like storm, because the rushing wind seems to boost my energy-reserves like nothing else. But sometimes it just got plain silly. Sitting behind my desk I heard the wind shrieking and howling like crazy. It almost sounded like a crazed animal but underneath that symphony of angry shrieks sounded the soft whispers of rustling leaves and swirling flower-paddles. Combine this with concrete tiles falling down buildings 100 meter high and you have Complete Chaos....love it.


Unexpected encounter
A week ago I met a intriguing old man while sitting in the sun near the harbor enjoying my lunch-break with my boss. It was such a unexpected and beautiful encounter that it immediately made me think of the book 'The Celestine Prophecy' by James Redfield. In this book it is said that there are no chance encounters, everyone has a purpose in your journey through life. Some people take energy and some don't. And this old man was definitely the latter kind. Although he walked barefoot and his clothes suggested he might be homeless. I never met a man who seemed to be the embodiment of a gentleman more then him. Never overstepping my boundaries, always asking with his eyes and body if he could touch or suggest. But now I am running ahead of myself.

So here I was, sitting beside the water of the Veerharbor, watching old ships and chitchatting with my boss, when suddenly I felt a red hot flash of pain in my longs. This happens to me a lot, no big deal but it not fun. So while buckling over with pain, a deep man's voice asks me if I'm alright. I look up and see a beautiful weathered old African face. The conversation started a bit strange and for a while I didn't quite knew what to think, but I was intrigued and curious, so I just let the conversation flow.

And before I knew it I was getting Taitji lessons from this barefoot man, who moved effortlessly and smooth like his name. He taught me how to move so my hip injury doesn't bother me so much and it worked. Totally oblivious to our surroundings we interacted while yups strolled by those two dark barefoot figures balancing and 'dancing' in the sun. All this under the watchful eyes of my skeptical boss, who didn't quite knew what to think of the whole affair. For payment all he wanted was for me to pray for his welfare and so I did. Not the usual way, but I asked my mother and granny to keep an eye on him. By posting this story I hope you wish him well too. His name is ManDi and I hope we'll meet again...

Note to Self

Never underestimate the power of lust. You can call it 'love', 'in love'... whatever sounds right to you. But me (your inner voice) is telling you straight on: "It's L.U.S.T. (Liquid Utterly Seductive Torture).....pure and simple." Anything else would be a danger to your safe little world. So keep it simple and dream on. Think things like "Get out of my dreams and into my bed." Just keep that silly heart of yours in check.

Note to self: You're not in love, it's just a bad case of hay-fever
Note to self: Don't blindly follow inner voice's advice
Note to self: Don't listen to your heart(aches)
Note to all selfs: Just be complete and utterly deaf.

"Ehhh excuse me, what did you say??"

New addiction...Woophy

Since a couple of weeks I am putting my photo's on an international site for amateur photographers all around the world. And this morning I found out I have a silver camera.... Totally surprised. So on Woophy I belong to the top 50 of the world ....eeeeehhhh... WOW. This just made my day, week....month even. WOW or better WOOPHY!

Freudian Slip

Recognize the feeling that you're not in controle? That your body and mind are just taking a run with you when you least expect and want it to happen? Leading to embarrassing, highly flushed cheek moments? Well I had one today at the office. The proverbial slip of the tongue or better known as the Freudian slip.

I wanted to say organism and instead orgasm slipped out...fast, liquid and irrevocable. Hoping this fast bugger slipped the ears of my boss with the speed of sound...I looked up and "Damn." The message was received loud and clear. Oeps.
What did those twinkling eyes think about? They scared the hell out of silly little me.

My hormones were instantly freed from their imposed exile...back alive and kicking. So once again I walked home with that insanely wide grin on my face, talking and giggling to myself. I think I will have to hurry to the white jacketstore before they run out of my size (big and stupid). Because if I would see someone acting the way I do, I would think that person is totally mental. Well maybe I am...but I like the feeling anyway.

A hard days work

Murphy and Me

Murphy's Law seems to want to keep me compagny these days. I expect that things will go wrong one way or another, the moment I open my eyes. You may think this is kind of dark and depri. But when we meet it's more like seeing an old friend. Missing the train, loosing my passport, picking my nose just when the guy I like steps into the room etc...mostly annoying and embarrassing, but Murphy isn't all that bad. Because of her I see places I never would have otherwise, I get to meet interesting people and make new friend. And as a bonus, she keeps my ego in check. Because of her I am able to laugh about myself and my foolish actions (daily). "So Murphy drop by anytime you feel like, but make sure to bring your friend Chance with you (to keep things in balance).

All in a days work

Got to say that I am proud of myself today, allthough the sun is shining happily today. I've done my share of (home)work and even painted the house of my aunty for two hours of so. Disipline, disipline, didn't know I had it in me.

Paint me Black

Summer kisses

Bench after bench
entangled in Rodin’s kiss.
Lovers bending close
murmuring words for the world to miss.

I walk in this twilight of summer dreams
and step in, out, in, out,
not knowing what side I long to be.

Rays of sun seem to magnify
innocent summer love.
Appearing everywhere I turn my head...

To see that those tender lips, are not mine to kiss.
That sweet embrace, someone else’s bliss.
Standing in the shadow of their sun
I put on my RayBan’s
and the magic is gone.

Fingers crossed

Last Thursday I entered a 3d Design Price, today I checked if everything got there in time and voila...I'm in the running. On the 2th of June the winner will be announced, so fingers crossed till then. I entered my gratuation project 'Tree for One_Treehotel', it has already won me an other design price, so if I'm lucky.....

Natures washing machine

I've just been cleaned in natures washing machine. At about 90 degrees my body has been purified thoroughly, only by walking in a steady pace surrounded by nature and chatting people. For the first time in a year or so I dared to take the chance. My hip still hurts like hell, but I can walk in een decent pace for more then an hour. I hope that one day I will be able to run again, but for now being active enough to sweat is pure bliss. Helps you put things in perspective, like frusty lovesick thoughts, "Trash can you're welcome."

It hurts to be in love

Yesterday I was still optimistic about love, today my love compass turned 180 degrees and I was shown the darkside.
A good friend of mine is hurting so. Her ex and herself love each other still but those two can't seem to do nothing but hurting each other.

I found out today I will probably always be a tomboy. A girl that all the guys like to hang out with, laugh with, but who they will never see as a potential soul mate / partner. It's a BIT frustrating and it makes me sad. I'm fun, I'm sweet, intelligent, little crazy... I really don't know what's not to like except a few points (not to mention on the www)... So why the h.... is it so difficult to find someone who will like all of me. I'm lost....

WANTED...roadmap to love, partner and bliss, prize negotiable