Doris Day

Some pictures of kids on the school my little niece.

I've transferred these photos on paintings each child made him/herself.

Every class got it's own artist / photographer and each child made a little piece of art.

These will be sold to the parents the day after tomorrow.

The money will go to chairity ... Stichting Hartedroom.

This whole day was the idea of 3 mothers and is one of the projects they have planned,

to collect money for Stichting Hartedroom. If you understand Dutch, please check out their website www.actiedono.nl.

Was so much fun! It was a 'bit' scary too, but I had a blast...

Thanx kids!

Next to me...

I'm lying on the floor, eyes closed, while I am listening to the soft, manly breath next to me. "How I've missed that", the soft thought brushes ever so lightly against a place in my heart and head I thought gone, for such a long time... Still, lying still, holding my breath, I feel an old warm feeling blossoming in my chest... Such gentle, yet strong longing of someone next to me. Not sexual, but in spirit and in mind... to share, to laugh, to fight. Not being alone to deal with my every day life, but someone I talk to about my day and to listen to his. To silently cuddle up on the sofa and not talk for hours but still feel so happy, just to share the same space with someone I love and loves me right back... I savor the sound of that breath inches away from me, so close we can touch... Then my yoga teacher tells us to open our eyes and the moment is gone. Still, the longing remains, not throbbing, just there, softly tugging at my heartstrings...telling me it is time to let go. I walk outside in the moist winter air and feel my step getting lighter every step I take. It is time. It is time for someone next to me.

One drop at a time...

I used to be very optimistic. Believing that I could make a difference in the world, in someone’s life. But somewhere along the way...I lost faith and forgot that something small could reach far and wide. Until I saw a bright smile on a handicapped child riding a horse, with me walking beside her, singing forgotten childhood songs. But that was just the first step. It were the words of a neighbor that hit home and moved me to tears. He told me a story that ignited the spark to do good, how small it may seem.

Every year he is a guide in Vietnam and Cambodia for about 3 months. He’s been going to that area for over 20 years. This is a man who loves children and after all these years still hurts to see them in poverty. He’s got so many stories to tell about streetkids that haven’t seen a school in their whole lives and yet can have an adult conversation with you in French or English at the age of 8. One even knew about the Mad Cow decease and asked him why we didn’t give the cows to them. The cows were gonna be killed anyway, the meat destroyed. Why not give that meat to people who are starving? The reality was that before the decease could show in humans (in Cambodia), those humans would probably be dead anyway. That was a fast ball to the gut. But that wasn’t the story I was talking about earlier.

He told me that one time, when he was planning to dine with a friend. He saw a mother and her small child begging in front of the restaurant where they were planning to eat. The mother was proud, the child looked happy, just people who had the misfortune to have no money. He felt sick, because he was going to eat and drink in that restaurant. Knowing that a beer costs 3 dollar...enough money to feed that child for a week. The child was almost bare, except for a very torn too small t-shirt. He couldn’t make himself go in that restaurant and eat and drink as if there was nothing going on. So he told his friend he was going to do something about it. His friend looked puzzled and said “You can’t save them all.” On which my neighbor replied; “But that’s not an excuse not to help at all.” He stepped into a supermarket nearby, bought a t-shirt and trousers for the kid, put them in plastic bag along with some money and gave it to the mother. Not even waiting for a thank you he left for the restaurant to have his dinner. Such a small gesture, with such a big impact, because when he left the restaurant that little kid came running to him thanking him for his new clothes... He probably hadn’t worn new clothes all his life. It only cost my neighbor a few dollars. But he made a change. He made that little child happy, someone who didn’t know him cared...

At the end of every excursion he gives a speech to the tourists of his group (he goes with them for about 2 weeks) and tells them that he is gonna give his tip to the local hospital. With that money children can have a consult for free. In every group there is always someone who says something like...”What a waste, it is like carrying water to the ocean,” or “It is like putting a drop of water on a hot stove (dutch saying).” He just replies “Buddha said once...The ocean is made out of drops.” And then he tells them that a consult costs only 25 cents and that the 120 euro of tip he received, can help about 480 children. Something small can make a big impact. I am humbled by his big heart and lightened by the knowledge that I can make a difference too...one drop at a time.

The death of an iPhone

How to save your camera and drown your iPhone... Simple. Go to the wedding of a friend in Switzerland. Visit the KKL Museum in Luzern. See a great reflection. Grab your camera. Lean into a fence, that's not a fence at all. Feel you are leaning against nothing but air and fabric. Knowing it's too late to do anything about it. Falling in and shouting in your head "Got to save my cam, got to save my cam." Saving your cam, being wet from head to toe and laughing your guts out. Let people take a picture of you in front of the killer water that did get smart me, but not my beloved camera. And then, while drying in the sun, grinning stupidly... Remembering after about 30 minutes you didn't put your iPhone back in your bag...but in the pocket of your trousers.... and it's quite wet and dead...

The picture I was going for before I fell in and caused all those waves...:) Well took it anyway, cost me an iPhone, so might as well take it...

Inspiration to follow your dream...

I came across an article today, that is an inspiration for all who want to be the best photographer they can be...
Who want to live their dream, but maybe are afraid to do so...like me.

"The Myth of Talent"

Words...

Always nice to find beautiful words..

“To live in this world, you must be able to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go”.
Mary Oliver

“The good shine from afar
Like the snowy Himalayas.
The bad don’t appear
Even when near,
Like arrows shot into the night.”
Buddha

YouTube Addiction

Not having a job has it's advantages...hours and hours of YouTube for example... Look what I dug up, thanx to a friend...hilarious, any cat lover will understand why...:)

Love your Car too Much?

I'm beginning to really like YouTube...especially the ads...they are hilarious...watch this one. For all you fooks who think materialism is not a problem...:)

Whatever...

My cat Thomas getting fed with me taking pictures of him

OMG, OMG, OMG, OOO MMM GGGGG

I just spoke with my brother on the phone...Iiiieeeeeeeeee. I'm so happy I could cry, dance...wow.
And he sounds real nice too. I'm gonna meet him next monday...
I'm so excited. And here is the bizarre thing. He was looking for me, the same time I was looking for him.
And he found me...I didn't leave that message on Hyves after all... How strange.
There is no such thing as coincidence. Thanx Mom...

Camping Rotterdam with RUPC

OMG

I am in total shock, in love with Hyves and again... in total shock. Want to know why? I have a half-brother I haven’t seen for about 24 years. I think, I was 9 and he was 1 year old the last time we met. Then his mother divorced my father and I lost track of him. Because my last visit was, to say the least, a bit traumatic, I decided to wait until he was about 18 to contact him. Well he’s been grown up for about 7 years now, but somehow I haven't found the nerve to go find him. Always an excuse why not to... But it has always been nagging around the edges of my mind. So about 2 months ago I was with a friend of mine, having a deep and somewhat emotional conversation and he popped up in my head again. So I thought what the heck, let’s just check Hyves and find out if he still lives in Rijswijk...and I found him...at least it could be him. I was so shocked I didn’t know what to do. After all these years and all the excuses, I just found him with one click of my mouse...what!???? I spoke to my friends what to send him, you just can’t drop in and say... “Hey I think I am your half-sis,” not knowing if he even knows himself that he has one.... But I don’t remember if I had the courage to send him that message. Now I check my Hyves account after about 2 months and there it is... a message from him asking me if he is my half-brother....OMG, OMG O...M...G. I replied of course, don’t know what this will bring, but I’m exited...and a “bit” scared too.

How to Listen

I have many talents and skills, but listening is not one of them. Because I have my second job interview on Monday (today) with a company I really like, I have to figure out what this “tone-deaf, not listening” story is all about. When I’m nervous the “Am putting my fingers in my ears, can’t hear you, lalala” mode seems to increase. It’s not that I don’t want to, honestly...I really, really want to. But it’s mostly that every word I hear, seems to trigger a bunch of associations that run away and go mess with my head. So after a few sentences my brain feels and sounds like an orchestra playing Bach, Mozart and Death Metal all at the same time. So no wonder I can’t concentrate enough to stand still and really listen.

And let’s not forget that when I’m nervous I seem to be in love with the sound of my own voice. All the while my inner voice tries to shout over the racket of that famous orchestra and tries hard to get hold of that Woody Woodpeckers beak and squeeze it tight. But when started that motor mouth just won’t shut it. So to be able to listen, I somehow have to quiet down those enthusiastic musicians and disable my face muscles (Botox?!). It seems like a “Mission Impossible”, but I have found a cure. I’m not one of those Hippie “be in touch with yourself and planet” kind of woman. But I have found that when I meditate at least 30 minutes at the end of the day and start the day with 10 sun salutations...the world seems to quiet down, my head comes awake with the bright lightness of being. And somehow...every word I hear makes sense. I feel like, to quote John Lennon...”All you need is love.”

Well I had my job interview today...I did meditate...a lot...and it went very well. So maybe next week I have another job...I don’t know, fingers crossed...and pstttttttt I DID end up listening...:)

Lady of the Lake

I have a joint expo at a festival in Vlaardingen, an X amount of artists and photographers have been given the opportunity to decorate the festival terrain with their work. The artworks and photo's will be attached to the fence surrounding the festival-grounds and as a bonus there is a sum of money to be won... So that makes it extra exiting. This photo was taken at about 6.30 am in the same park as the festival will be held, my neighbor was so sweet as to be posing as a model...turns out she used to dance and well...that came in handy. Very happy with this pict. The original size is even better...but well I had to crop it, to fit the fence. Now it looks as if she will just jump out to meet you...:) I hope to be using her more often as a model, we had so much fun and the light is just amazing that early in the morning.

Treasure....

Sometimes you get little presents you don't expect, like this picture. Being at the right place, at the right time with a cam in hand can be so wonderful. I was having a very funny photoshoot in the parc with miss H. Hopping over each other and strobing away. People staring at us funny. Writing silly things on our legs with a marker. And though most of my ideas didn't quite work out as I planned. I got an unexpected break, when a group of schoolkids came our way with a little frog in their hands. The beasty was quite fed up with being confined, but I managed to get this shot anyway. So thanx to these nice kids, I have a killerphoto and thanx to miss H. I still have tummy ache from laughing so loud. So thanx miss H., let's do that again sometime...:)

Salty Air

I miss the salty air of Terschelling, the way I seem to be able to breathe and exhale more deeply. I miss the shifting light that keeps illuminating the world around me, to leave me standing in the dark only seconds later. But in my mind I keep rewinding images of the soft glowing grass and colors getting bright and sparkly. And while shadows pass, where seconds ago color and life vibrated, I still see beautiful glimpses of a world better then where I am standing right now. Knowing that it will come again, if I am patient, if I am awake and if I just breathe.

Sexy High Heels

Ok I admit it, I'm a woman and shoes, well they seem to have a kind of magnetic pull. Especially if they are Italian designer shoes, with sexy high heels and soft Italian leather...and well they only cost a quarter of their original prize. It's a bargain and who can resist a bargain...not me, that's for sure.

I love the way they make me look and feel, all sexy, womanly and oh so powerful...I feel like shouting: "Watch out world, here I come."

And to top it all off, I bought an outfit to go with it, that says "Hire me, I'm different, you want different, or just well.... do you want me, do you, do you... try and catch me, but wait a sec while I put on my trainers...:)." I have my first job-interview next Wednesday and I think I will leave an impression. Fingers crossed.

How to be Homesick at Home Sweet Home...

I am Home Sweet Home, but I still feel Homesick. I already miss the sweet, heady smell of Terschelling, the smiling eyes of good friends and the bubbly feeling that I belong to strole on that beautiful island. Everything seems to shine brighter there, the colors are more vibrant, happiness seems to come effortlessly with sand between my toes and wind playing with my hair. It was pure bliss and now it is over...but I am charged once again and ready for my life on the mainland. Whatever may happen during these next 12 months...I will be on that boat next year...standing on deck and breathing in the salty air full of promisses of new adventures and new people to meet...I just have to wait... And well waiting sets my heart on fire and my soul ablaze...next year...next year...you'll see.

Lucky Me...Oerol Fantasy

You have days that you can only thank God or the Universe or the whatever entity somewhere pulling the strings to this crazy thing called Life... Because once in a while you realize that you are surrounded by special en loving people. Yesterday (and today) I had such a revelation. I had left a message on the voicemail of a good friend of mine, that I wasn't gonna make it to Oerol this year, because I lost my job quite suddenly. And money...well that was a bit of a problem (what else is new). The darling mailed me the next morning (yesterday) and said "Well grab your toothbrush, you can come to Terschelling, all expences paid, your tent is waiting. Love miss E and mister H" I had to swallow hard at that one...wow, Wow, WOW! She and her partner have a artproject on the beach I really wanted to see and I had been looking forward to going to the island. Then dear Murphy paid me a visit, couldn't go and then to make it all better.... I unexpectedly jumped in the train, leapt in the boat and I was off to my most beloved place...setting sail to Oerol and meeting my wonderful friends. Life is strange, wonderful and full of unexpected bits of happiness. I'm starting to believe that if you really believe the sun is out there somewhere, a ray of light will always find you one way or another...

He's just not that into you

The last couple of weeks I've been sort of interested in a guy I have know for ages. It took me by surprise and at first I didn't know what to do with myself, because it was so sudden. Let's face it... I'm dead shy when it comes to men I like. And that's a bit of a problem, because I seem so outgoing most of the time. So when I turn to being cold and distant all of a sudden, most men think, I don't like them anymore... How strange...:) The guy in question...let's call him mister A, has a lot of women buzzing around him. I call them barracuda's, because of their predator nature. I find this cat and mouse game quite amusing, beats lifeTV anytime. But yesterday I got a taste of the flip side of this game...karma will always be karma.  So I was strolling around on one of his Bohemian parties, very determined to go for it. Surprise, surprise, I chickened out and secondly I got the strong impression he was avoiding me with a passion. Only to have me realize that now I'm the one with the hungry look in my eyes and I'm scaring him off big time...I have drifted into deeper waters and am no longer that harmless little tropical fish with the nice shiny colors, but the dangerous and vicious barracuda ready to eat him alive. And then I realized another thing...."Hé girl, he's just not that into you...." Ouch...so much for my fluffed up ego...

Murphy's Law

How strange last Friday was... My best friend moving and leaving an Ocean of space between us, me not going to Artacademy after all and then to top it of...my boss calling me at 4.30 pm that I don't have to bother to come to work next Tuesday...because I'm fired....what? Yes FIRED...my contract ends today and the bastard called me 30 minutes in advance to tell me I don't have a job anymore... I'm totally flabbergasted, but that's not all...we all got fired, he is 65 and just wants to quite. We aren't even close to bankrupted... What an egotistic thing to do. How the hell am I gonna find a job I love so much as this one in...let's say... 20 hours? Beats me. But what the h... the weather is beautiful, let's forget about it and just enjoy the sun for a while...damn.

Saying Goodbye

My best friend is moving to St. Maarten and she's leaving next week.
We gave her a nice and private goodbye party yesterday, good food, good wine and good compagny. It doesn't hurt as much as a few weeks ago, but I am gonna miss her dearly.
She's quite a character and always makes me smile, we are always running from her house to mine, for there is only 1 house in between...:) It's going to be strange to not be able to do that anymore. But I wish her the best and a good adventure to boot. And there is always Skype...but it's not going to be the same...

Radio Silence

So strange...the radio silence I am receiving from what I thought to be a good friend. I don't know if I have to worry if she's all right or that something went horribly wrong between us last weekend. And I am totally oblivious to what the heck that could be... I've mailed, I've phoned...but nothing...not a blib or bleep. I think I will let it rest for a time now, maybe she just has to get her breath after 200 people visited our double exposition, maybe she has to regain her territory... I don't know... Strange...give me a good fight over radio silence every day... 

X-factor

Recent studies suggest that when a woman checks a man out, her first look is not towards his face but down under. I thought it was totally bullocks, but today I am in doubt. Today I was talking with a man I have known for quite some time and somehow, magically my eyes were contantly pulled down under...I could even call it staring...damn...and he noticed too...bummer. It is a good thing I can't blush so easily...being black does that to a person...but boy oh boy I could have lit a lighthouse. For his x-factor was like a biiiggggggggg magnet. And I was a willing subject...

Boring

I've been quite boring lately on my writing. It has a very simple explanation.

Too many people who I don't want to allow a peep in my brain and heart have access to my blog.

So strange that I don't mind shouting my dreams, hopes and despairs on the net, around the globe and back, but I do have a problem with some people reading it. The ones who's faces are familiar. The ones I can bump into on the street or in the supermarket... Faces I am not happy to see, who are part of my hurt, my loneliness. But it stops here, because I don't write this blog for them, I write this blog for me. Writing like this is like shouting my joy, my fears over rooftops into the world. Not knowing who hears me, but knowing I am heard, I am here, I am alive. It is too strong a freedom to give up. Maybe a little courage still trickles through these vains...

Courage

Courage...I seem to have a lack of it most of the time. All mouth and no heart, so scared, while time rushes me by.

A beautiful poem by Alice M. Swaim pulled heartstrings when I heard it, made me shiver when I read it and makes my sleepy chickenheart roar and beat on the rhythm of my dreams...maybe I can try again...soon.

"Courage is not the towering oak 

that sees storms come and go;

it is the fragile blossom 

that opens in the snow."

La La Land

Had a real drunken, cry my eyes out, confession big time baby mood yesterday.
It was kind of uplifting, it set me free and it made a mess off things...or rather I did.
There is a reason why I don't drink much, let alone get drunk...oh yeah, I get emotional..blehhhhh...:)
But in spite of all above...had a great time mister A. and miss J...:)

In my dreams...I'm floating...

In my dreams...I'm floating

Yesterday was the last day of my digital photo course.
Had fun...and finally at the very end of the line...
I got/made where I came for in the first place...
Something soft, new, dreamlike and a bit dark.

Waves crashing in...

Dog Town

A colleague / friend of mine asked me a while ago if I could take some pictures of her Charpei. Never took pictures of dogs before...and these are quite the characters so I said 'Yes'. There seems to develop a pattern in me laughing to loud and not being able to get good picts. But hey...look at that face...it's priceless...come on! He just looks like Olivier Bommel, he has blue blood running through his vains...:)

After our shoot we went to her mother's house (also a friend of mine) and I took some pictures of her Charpei's too. That was totally hilarious, because as soon as they saw the cam, they ran for cover.... mother and daughter running after them. I felt like I was watching a Charlie Chaplin movie with color and sound. I was laughing so loud it hurt. Finally I got them to sit still for a second and got a good shot. I don't know how those photographers do it...getting those animals to sit still...is like being Gandi and Houdini at the same time... But it is quite a good sport and laugh... Hope they will be happy with the picts.

Photoshop Fun

Because I want to do more with Photoshop. I am following a digital enhancement course. And it is so much fun. Most things I hear, I know, but somehow there is another click in my head and it comes out totally different then before. I'm playing again, having fun, looking from a different angle and that's just why I took this course in the first place...so I'm very happy. Here are my first try-outs.

TV break Household

I am a lousy housewife, I have a household of 'Jan Steen' and would really never be called a Stephord Wife...I don't like to clean, I'm not good at it and I never know where to begin, so mostly I don't start at all. But after many, many...many years I finally found the solution to my problem... Why slave hours and hours in a kitchen, or on all 4 cleaning the floor, doing a 2 week laundry all at once..when there are...TV breaks! 

It's so simple, I can only call it genius. I have found that cleaning and organizing during the 5 minute TV-break is just long enough to do something and short enough to not get bored. It even get's me running to get finished before the bell. A bit of competition brings fun into the game. And now I even like my 5 minute cleaning breaks. There is still a lot to do. But my 5 minutes are stacking up and my house looks half decent after 2 days of TV-breaks. 

I really could recommend this one...to everyone...so join in and let me know if it works....:)

Breaking My Heart

Some things are just too beautiful...

Painful to watch, 

Heartbreaking to not have seen at all... 

Life is strange... 

Falling

Swan Song

Serenity

Come Closer

Blown Away...

I went hunting for photographs with my good friend J. yesterday. We went to the Maasvlakte (Industrial area next to the river Maas).
It was icy cold, the wind literally blew us away, we got sandblasted...you name it.
But it was a beautiful sunny day, spent in good compagny...so we had a ball...:)

Breathe...

In the mists of my memories,


winds stir and wake unwanted feelings.

Sobbing sadness, longing...


Loneliness so complete and dark,


stars explode before my closed eyes.


Leaving imprints of happier times,


just out of reach.

Drowning in self-pity.


Looking up to see 
diamonds shifting from blues to greens.


So many miles to cross, to break through & breathe.

Breathe in life, hope, air.


Swim & Live


Live & Breathe


Breath & Hope...


Just breathe...

A Sliver of Life...

I have been feeling quite weird lately, been growling and barking a lot, trouble getting out of bed and concentrating in general.
Didn't know what to do with myself until I realised...it's January...my 'I feel depressed, let there be light' kinda month.
Once that mystery was solved it got a bit better. But I still feel a bit under the weather.
Have the feeling that everything and everyone is passing me by with lightning speed and I just don't seem to be able to catch up.
I just want to crawl under a rock or in a corner and wait it out... fortunately for me...this kind of mood always gives me inspiration. And good photos make me happy...I'm coming full circle once again..:)

Lensbaby Bliss

Been playing with my Lensbaby again. Got to love the little bugger.
The weather was bleh all day, so I went hunting for strange flowers and found one...

Purring Like a Little Kitten....

Last week I literally bumped into an old flame of mine.
We met at Oerol a couple of years ago.
He had a bad case of the hick-ups, if I ever saw one.
So I suggested a fun way to get rid of it by sexual oxygen shortage...otherwise know as bad-ass kissing.
For I had walked all over his back on my flip-flops in a full packed bar...and that didn't work.
So what's a helpful young woman got to do then...
The funny thing was...he didn't get it immediately, but when he did...my shortness of breath had nothing to do with lip-action.
And all to do with running and laughing and running at the same time, being dragged across the road in a frenzy...almost passing my tent at a thundering speed.
I really had to throw out the anchors to stop D and me.
And that night..well let's say we really enjoy each-others company.

Somehow he always brings a big smile on my face when we meet.
And the feeling is quite mutual. We have a 1,5 m rule, it's the distance we have to keep if we want to converse in a normal way.
Because when we forget or ... I see his eyes getting that naughty sparkle and feel my eyes glow in return, cheeks flushed.
A step closer and we are in danger of assaulting each-other in a crowded room.
So there he was...that healthy, testosterone hunk of a man. And I felt myself radiating sexual energy all over the place.
Almost surprised I didn't set things on fire. Kissing him on the cheeks, bending over and smelling him, I didn't want to step away. Just being near to him, makes me wanna curl up on his lap and purrrrrrrrrr.

Unfortunately for me, he has a girlfriend and he's totally and utterly in love and loyal to boot. Got to love the man for that. And I'm glad for him, to know that wondering restless soul has found it’s match and is happy.

We were never relationship material. We are on two completely different wavelengths, two big ego's, two creative spirits, too dominant and too attached to our freedom and solitude...but who cares. For when we are near each-other and we don't speak...one hour is enough to make me smile and skip for a week. I’m still skipping...

Happy New Year!!!

Went to Scheveningen this morning to photograph the yearly New Year's Dive. It was crazy. So many people, so much fun, I couldn't get the grin off my face even if I tried. It was sometimes hard to take pictures, because I was laughing so loud, it hurt. So most of my picts aren't as sharp as I wanted to, but I don't mind...I wanna do it again and again and again. Wow, I can trive on these good vibes for weeks...:)
It all seems so quiet when you look at the picts above...but this is what it felt like to be in the middle of it all...

And there were a lot of crazy people out there all dressed up, like carnaval only so much more fun...