Ode to Beethoven...

Once in a couple of years you recover something that you have held locked in your heart and somehow forgot. Till you one day stumble across that loved and dusty part that lights your day... It can happen to you and it happened to me this week.

In a spur of the moment I bought a CD of Beethoven and when the longing tones of 'Klaviersonate Nr. 14 - Adagio Sostenuto' started. It drove shivers down my spine and something warm began to glow in my belly, spreading across my body and leaving me breathless and deeply moved. The soft longing tones of the piano, whispering about passion, longing, sorrow, unrequited love, consolation, hope, being alive, despair...so sad, so real, so close and so immensely beautiful.

For days on end I have replayed this sonate time and time again. And every time I hear it, different pictures form in my head and depending on my mood, I feel new emotions come crashing in like waves into my welcoming arms and heart. I have found myself a gift to remember. A gift that can recharge me like no battery can and soothes my chaotic mind to a peaceful, smooth mirror. A mirror that shows me light, hope, freedom and washes away my despair, my sadness and my solitude.

Long time no see...

Mmm long time no see. Time seems to be running out of control lately, just one flutter of my lashes and ‘Poef’ another week has gone bye bye. So much to tell, where to start…

Idols in Vlaardingen
A hot night a few weeks ago, Jack and I were making a lot of noise and a neighbor came running out into the street. I thought something like; “Oh oh, now we’ve done it.” Couldn’t quite hear what he was saying so we had to tune down the stereo (blasting big time)…still couldn’t hear him, so he had to come upstairs.
I was a bit drunk, well it was warm, the wine was cool and hell it’s summer once a year, so…he was talking to me and I was looking how his lips were moving. Not comprehending one little syllable that came out of his mouth. Finally like domino pieces falling in slow-motion, the words clicked. He was asking if I wanted to help them out and go into the studio with him to record a song. Ehhhhh of course I wanted to help, why not, wasn’t sure I could hold key, but I’ve never been into a music studio before so…why not. I always wanted to sing before a filtered microphone and there it was. Sang only a few lines, but it was fun and the result surprised me. Maybe I will become famous, maybe I should enlist for Idols, or maybe I just have to drink less wine.

Spring is def. over
My hormones are definitely in check nowadays. No drooling after mister Boss, cause I met misses Boss and that takes all the fun out of my sex fantasy’s, makes work a whole lot easier though, especially since I am sitting right across his desk.

Shopping spree
Today I joint the ranks of shopping addicted women… a shoe shop around the corner had a major sale, a pair of shoes for only 1 Euro….Woopy! So I dived into the madness and conquered 11 pair for me myself and I. No rules applied…elbows allowed, it was crazy, I tell you… Wanted to go to work afterwards, but I just sat on the couch and felt totally dazed… rows and rows of women with boxes full of all kind of shoes pilling out of them, women fighting over a pair of boots, children running up and down. Just pure madness… Not doing that anytime soon, but I’ve got my loot spread out before me and I’m one happy lady.

What black men want...?!

On the way home, in a darn hot train, I was wondering about tonight. It was a strange night, pheromones flying all over the place, bodies (including mine) moving to the rhythm of South American music. I flirted a lot, saw an old friend of mine and so on and so on. I think I'm changing, something is happening, although I'm not quite sure what exactly. I don't mind flirting with and stealing someone's boyfriend anymore (who is that alien bearing my name?). I suddenly think black men are hot, I'm using my feminine qualities without shame or boundaries. What's up?

My kind of flirting is not really subtle... I just go straight for it, all twinkly eyes....big smile, white teeth. So my friend M. and I were dancing and enjoying ourselves big time. M. really can dance, I always get a big smile on my face just watching her move. So there we were, tropical heat, beach in the city, alcohol flowing powerful through our (actually mine) veins. When I noticed a big beautiful hunk of a man, who gave me a wink every-time I passed him. So finally I walked up to him, to ask him what was wrong with his eye, because it seemed to want to wink at me every-time it caught sight of me. Oef and then that big dark man began to talk, very cheeky, but I felt my knees buckle and I would have kissed him right there and then. The man was hot. But I promised my friend M. to take a strole and I was really sweating all over the place, so I promised him a dance and went outside. M. and I cooled of under a watermist thingy and just walked around a bit. But I really wanted to go back to hot guy, so we said goodbye and I went in again....and then it went totally wrong.

We danced but the boy didn't have any kind of humor what so ever. I can dance and shake my .... like any Atilian girl...but, eh, that's me myself and I. Trow in another (quite distracting) factor (also known as a man) and this girl is out. I just didn't seem to get the most simple steps and I just started laughing very loud. The irony of the whole situation wasn't missed my me, but the big dark man thought I was laughing at him and with every laugh his ego was further and more seriously crushed (I think). I tried to explain that I was making fun of myself, how stupid is it that a dark Atilian girl doesn't seem to get the Salsa or even Meringue, what kind of lousy black woman am I?! After only two dances he gave up.

Between those two dances he managed to tell me that I had to concentrate on him and not my friend whom I hadn't seen in about 5 years and who I unexpectly bumped into while going for the exit. Eh...sorry...controlefreak? Who's the boss? The conversation was slow, he seemed only interested in telling me things, I suspect him of telling to all the cute girls. He thought I was 22 and he is 35, he wanted to buy me a drink but when it took a looooong time he didn't want me to take a sip of his water...eh...what?! And all the while I watched his lips move and heard a tune in the back of my head slowly pumping up the volume. Think it was something like: "Shut up and sleep with me, come on why don't you sleep with me, Shut up...."
This of course didn't happen, because he got so annoyed with me when we danced a second time, that even a kiss was out of the question.

This is not the first time I seem to have this 'communication' problem with black guys, it makes me wonder....
What do black men want and more importantly...do I want to give it to them?!

Daydreaming Hazards

Someone up there,
is reading my blog and is not all to happy
about me making jokes at fate.

Because I met my biiiiig truck yesterday.
It was blue, scary and way too close.
I thought for a moment my heart would explode.
He stopped in time, I made evading moves in time...but pfffffff.
Not my idea of starting the morning...
So Hello up there, I heard you loud and clear,
learned my lesson, now let me ride my bike.

So much for fantasy

Mmmm so much for my subway fantasy,
I arrived with the subway and he on his bike?!
No cozy return to work after the meeting...
No touchy feely in the back.
Just him riding his bike far far away from me and Remy (me) sitting in a hot and sweaty subwayseat at the other side of town,
all by my lonesome ...sigh...
So much for that fantasy...eh...bike, bike, bike... have to think about that one.
For inspiration only, I will go to work by bike tomorrow...
If you see a dreamy eyed girl just before she is hit by a biiiig truck...
That will be/ was me.

North Sea Jazz Festival

Totally unexpected I went to the North Sea Jazz Festival yesterday with friends from Switzerland. It was my first time ever and I enjoyed every second of it. The ambiance was so different from festivals I've been to. The fun, the people, the sun, the music...wow. I stumbled over my nephew when I was swinging before the stage of Izaline Calister... And the girl could sing and play with the audience as well. We went out with a bang with Omar Sosa were the audience went wild and the musicians were playing and fooling around, teasing each other big time... Yesterday was soulfood which will last me a long long long time. So thanx my dear friends for giving me a ticket to Jazz heaven.

Dreaming the night away

Just woke up from a lovely dream...
Landscape and meadows flowing under my feet at the edge of town.
Finally kissing the one I am longing for in a shadowy barn, soft, sweet and promising.
Can still feel his lips on mine.
Don't think I will ever feel them in this world.
So I think I'll just close my eyes for just a little bit longer and dream on....

Midnight Strole

Couldn't sleep last night, so Jack and I went for a midnight strole. Grabbed my camera on the way out and finally took the night shots of the Botlek I wanted to take for such a long time...

Water and foam fight...

Wasn't all hell and damnation today....actually had quite a lot of fun as you can see for yourself...

Eternal rebound rebound girl

Don't know what went wrong in my former lifetime, but I seem to be destined to be the eternal rebound rebound girl.
The one who picks you up when you're down and out, your heart and ego crushed by your ex-girlfriend and what do you see? It's a bird, it's a plane, it's Bo to the rescue...

Only to be dumped from seven heavens high when both are healed and up and running. Leaving a silhouette kind of hole in the ground that should and used to be me. And there I go again...I dust myself of all particles and memories of you, lift my shin up high, look up and start climbing those stairs up to ground zero again...again... and again....

I'm getting quite tired of this roundabout, won't someone up there play a different tune, haven't I learned my lesson by now...do we have to leave the recorder on repeat?! When will someone be crazy about me for a change and not the promise of a new fresh start, the one who wipes the slate clean so you can marry and have children with someone else? Hello... is anybody out there... Hello I can't hear you...eeehhhhh what?!

Fluttering summer skirt

This morning my usual tomboy clothes were left hanging in the closet giving me sad and puppyeye looks... But no, I was persistent and I couldn't be persuaded by sad looks...summer skirt it was and summer skirt it stayed... Because it was sooooo hot. I wanted to feel the wind lift up my skirt and feel all woman, free and looking forward to perform my Marilyn Monroe pose...oeps.
It felt sweet to lift my skirt to go up and down stairs and feel the fabric flutter around my legs. I think I spoiled the effect a little by running barefoot up and down the hall of my office and sitting on the floor while archiving many many documents. I don't think I will ever be a lady Lady, but it felt good to be a woman today, think I'll give those womanly thingies more air out of the closet. Maybe I'll surprise myself and one day a lady will look back from the other side of the mirror...but I don't think so. I am just a bit too crazy/silly to sit up and be good allllll day, just want to play and well... it IS summer. Summer times are my favorite. So please up there, give me a summer to remember?!

Water ballet...

It's was darn hot today. And this week I have to water the plants on our terrace. It wouldn't be such a problem, if it weren't a terrace of about 30 meters long and plants the size of small trees, with big big pots to go with them. So while I was doing my job, I heard the children below playing and screaming and I just couldn't resist. I hosed them down with a big splash of water.
Before I knew it we were in a big waterfight, they were soaked to the bone and well, I'm no spoilsport so I handed them the hose and ran for dear life. It was fun and a good cooldown for a nice and sunny day. Looking forward to water the plants tomorrow.

Tree times Four or the other way around....?!

"Dreaming-Neko"
I'm new at this but, there are themes on Blogger and this is one of them. Neko put on his favorite do's and don'ts now it's my turn.....

four jobs I have had in my life:
- dogwalker
- secretary
- accountmanager
- receptionist
(sounds a bit boring doesn't it)

four movies I could watch over and over:
- Amelie
- Can't buy me love
- When Harry met Sally
- Life of Brian
(Mmm I think my subconscious is trying to tell me something)

four places I have lived:
- Vlaardingen, Netherlands
- Vlaardingen, Netherlands
- Rotterdam, Netherlands
- Vlaardingen, Netherlands
(not been around much, have I)

four TV shows I love/loved to watch:
- Charmed
- Buffy the Vampire Slayer
- Fawlty Towers
- Desperate Housewives

four places I have been on vacation:
- Moscow, Russia
- Aruba
- Venice, Italy
- Barcelona, Spain

four websites I look at daily:
- my own
- gmail
- woophy
- flickr

four of my favorite foods
- anything pasta!
- Coca Cola (and no light stuff)
- Magnum, White chocolate and strawberry thingies inside (it's an obsession I tell you)
- Chocolate!!!

four jobs I would really stink at:
- Flight controller (anything responsible really)
- Taxidriver (I always get lost)
- analyst & Scientist (would def. blow up something one way or another)
- Beauty specialist (nightmare for the customers...once in a lifetime experience though)

four pretend monikers I’ll NEVER live up to:
- skinny and flat chested
- blond
- dull
- knock out
(sniff, sniff)

four movies I will NEVER watch again, ever:
- Nightmare on Elmstreet
- Titanic (brrrrrr, not really a romantic I'm afraid)
- Highlander
- ....

four places that I would NEVER live in:
- a dungeon
- toplevel of a skyscraper
- carton box
- birdcage

four things I HATE to do on my weekends:
- work
- be hung-over
- have to much to do and no time for 'day'dreaming
- answering phonecalls of any kind of callcenter telling me what I reallllyyyy should have to make my life complete...bleh

four liquor brands I’ve tried and enjoyed:
- Baily's
-...Red Wodka
- Good wine (does this count?)
- Just a gooooood cocktail really

four thing I CAN live without:
- flees anmosquito'sos (anything that stings or bites (except men of course))
- diets
- authority
- sleepless nights

four of my favorite cholesterol laden foods:
- Pancakes with melted cheese and syrup (sounds groase, but tastes like heaven...realllly)
- Ben and Jerry's Ice-cream....mjam
- Crispy potato chips
- Chocolate....chocolate and chocolate

four placeI i would rather be in right NOW:
- Oerol (festival I always go to, but not this year...moneyproblems...snif snif)
- on holiday (anywhere but here)
- in the arms of a handsome man, kissing the night away
- sleeping in a bed, that doesn't break my back

That's quite a list... mmmm should I publish this on the www? Oh what the hell, here it goes.

Smelling the roses

I thought I saw.... no way....

Mmmm I must be having severe detox side-effects of it being weekend and I'm not working. For I swear I saw my boss strolling around in my street today. I was hanging over the banisters of my balcony, as usual spying on the passersby. When I thought I recognized his gait, but I could only see the top of his head so I wasn't sure. Told my friend Jack with whom I was having breakfast (at 1 pm) and she shouted his name at the top of her lungs, making me dive for the ground, because if it was him, I didn't want him to see me. I almost couldn't stop laughing and grinning at this action that could only come from Jack. Silly woman. He turned around, but if it was to see who was that mad woman shouting or who the hell was calling him by name. I will never know because I was too busy trying to smother my giggles and rolling on the floor.

Treehouse Fantasy...

You make me feel like...I don't know...

Kissing Doves

Saw the weirdest thing today....
While waiting for the bridge to come down and the ships to pass, I was enjoying the view, watching people, watching the scenery and watching...doves. They were circling around each-other like teenagers in love, giving each-other goo-goo eyes, brushing chest against chest (still nothing unusual). And then it happened: the female and smaller bird began to put her beak in the males throat and I mean...really deeeeepthroat. So I thought well she is his youngster and I let my eyes wonder again. But they kept going at it, and she didn't look like a baby-bird to me. And they sure seemed to be enjoying themselves, closing their eyes and stuff. Brushing against each-other... And then it clicked...they were kissing, french kissing. These doves were actually french kissing! That was a very weird discovery. They did this for a couple of minutes, went to fourth base and flew away in the opposite direction of each-other...
Mmmm sounds familiar...

Rusty Memory

Mmmm I thought I saw a pussycat (mister O), but I'm not sure....
Oh that darn memory of mine is pure rust I tell you.
Well I was busy (training the Doberman of a friend of mine).
When I concentrate on one thing all else disappears, so not my best state of mind to recognize someone.
And this particular dog is a handful, sweet and beautiful as she is.
I said 'Hi' but he was sitting with a woman and I don't know if he has a girlfriend, wife etc... so I just walked by.
But the question remains, was it him?!
At this rate I'm never gonna get hooked up, am I.
Time to bring out the oil to smooth things over in that disaster that is my brain...

Siren

Found this poem on the net, it's so magical... I wanna remember

On the floating, shapeless oceans
I did all my best to smile
till your singing eyes and fingers
drew me loving into your eyes.

And you sang "Sail to me, sail to me;
Let me enfold you."

Here I am, here I am waiting to hold you.
Did I dream you dreamed about me?
Were you here when I was full sail?

Now my foolish boat is leaning, broken love lost on your rocks.
For you sang, "Touch me not, touch me not, come back tomorrow."
Oh my heart, oh my heart shies from the sorrow.
I'm as puzzled as a newborn child.
I'm as riddled as the tide.
Should I stand amid the breakers?
Or shall I ly with death my bride?

Hear me sing: "Swim to me, swim to me, let me enfold you."
"Here I am. Here I am, waiting to hold you."
("Song to the Siren", This Mortal Coil)

Stage-fright

Well I've done it again, lazy ass (....) who bares my name. Tomorrow I will have to perform with my singing group and the songs just keep slipping out of my mind instead of into....grrrrrr. Of course I could have practiced all week, but no, I had to wait to the utmost last possible time to do that. Will I ever learn?! Normally I'm a bit of a deadline person, crisp of body and mind, surfing on adrenaline and fairing well by it. But not tonight, leaving me quite anxious about tomorrow... Well I can always fall back on bluffing (read: playbacking) my way through the whole ordeal. But somehow I have the feeling that's not gonna work this time. Oh deary me, got stagefright all right... OK panic attack.... AAAAaarGGHhhhhh. Eh anybody have a time-machine of sorts?