Bye Bye Zomerterras

It's over again, 4 weekends of music, streetartists, hanging in the park with friends, dancing, taking pictures... Such a pity, but had a blast, can't wait till next year. The afterparty last night was fun too, thanx André. Had fun.

Memories Lost...Memories Found

I found 4 rolls of film lying in a corner of my closet, making droopy eyes at me. They went to the photothingy and I was surprised to find a beautiful day lost, found again. It was a fun day about 8 years ago with good friends. Seems so far away now. It feels like a gift to have found the beautiful memories of this day lost.
These three pictures I love the most. Enjoy...:)

Loggerfestival 2008

Just finished my exposition in the Art Shore Container Terminal at the Loggerfestival in Vlaardingen. Was fun, good comments, nice people and I am beat...pffffff. I think I will participate again next year, I had a minimalist expo this year with an empty container except for a slap of about 2m with photo's of the harbor. Next year I want to do the opposite and go image crazy, pictures on all 5 surfaces of the container, with only a few stepping stones for people to step on that are blank. Would be fun to watch how people will react to that...:) But that's next year. Now I'm gonna go back and break up. Would love to hit my bed now...sleep for days...but I bought myself some dreamvacations (€2 a piece), so I'm set for 2 holidays of a lifetime, one with a handsome stranger and one with me, myself and I, where I will end up...I don't know. But it sounds like pure bliss to me.

Vroem Zoem Gone

Think this was my shortest affair ever. A real Vroem, Zoem, Gone....

What a week, neighbor quite dead in an horrible way, a 'bit' of personal tension at work, preparations for my exposition tomorrow, only receiving half my salary, getting my period (hopefully) and not hearing one little blip from mister 'I don't have time to clime on that white horse, thank you very much.' So that's my week in a short paragraph. And it's not over yet, not by a long shot. Hope I can finally exhale by the time it's thursday or I will scream. 

Smiling Eyes

So it’s true what they say... When you least expect it, it will take you by surprise and rattle your heart into beating again...beating with joyous jumps, playful sidesteps and heavy longing. It’s been a while, but looking into your smiling eyes is enough to beam me up to that special place where my heart isn’t yet hurt a thousand times over. Your silence tells me more then your words ever will. So show me your life and heart with those smiling eyes of yours. Let me be touched to tears, surrendering to your gaze that beams deep down to where light has been sparse.

Let me feel how your hands make the sharp shards of my soul softer around the edges. Hands that, like a mothers kiss on a wounded knee, let me know that someone cares, that I'm loved and not alone.

Now I know how the Nile must feel when rushing water floods her banks once again. The drought forgotten, just joyous, dangerous and wild laughter of the heart. I can't help but to be swept away. No use in fighting this force of nature.

Am I in love? I really don’t know, but I want to howl your name to the starlit sky, sing your feel to the moon, let the world know I’m happy, happy for knowing you, how brief it may be. Let me drink in your smiling eyes just a moment longer and then I will close mine and maybe let you go, but not yet, not yet...

In Between Worlds _Canon Competition_Please Vote...:)

Hi wonderer of the World Wide Web,

I'm participating in a worldwide photocontest organised by Canon. I need to get as many votes as I can, to have a change to get into the top 10 of my country. Those 10 photographs will be judged by a world famous photographer. It's a longshot of course, but any help is more then welcome.

This picture is very special to me. It's one of my happiest childhood memories caught in one photograph. Looking at it makes me a 9 year old once more. Diving in a quiet world onknown, my long hair softly dancing around my face, never wanting to break the surface and inhale air again, just wanting to swim on forever in this serene and blue magical world... All alone, so beautiful, so still, so safe...liquid bliss.

If you like the photo, please vote for me on:
ta.canon-europe.com/?pg=gallery&cc=nl&lc=nl&p...
Just click on the word "Stem" (bottom right with a little star in front of it), register and vote. You would help me a lot. Thanx.

Would love to know your favorit childhood memory, maybe you can be an inspiration for me to take your memory picture...:)

Pearl of Wisdom

Wisdom is found in strange places. I opened my new book of Laurell K. Hamilton, she is one of the best Gothic writers I know and the book I bought, is quite sexy also. Fantasy and sex mixed with a very flowing writing makes a heady read. So imagine my surprise when I read this beautiful pearl of wisdom on the first page dedicated to Jonathon.

Worring about the perfect words makes me miss the perfect moment. You remind me it's not perfection I'm seeking but happiness.

These simple words just took my breath away, so simple, so true, I wish I could feel this always...in my heart.

New Job!!!!

And finally it happened, it happened, I'm slightly mad.... Because I just signed the contract of my new job....WHOEEEHOOEEEEEEEEEEEEE. Can't wait to start...

Autumn Rain...

Sometimes you see, read or hear something that just rips your heart out and leaves you confused and caught for breath. I was just zapping along a zillion TV channels when I heard one line that stopped my heart dead on. I just had to listen to the rest. It's a mourning poem written by Mary Elizabeth Frye. Words and lines so beautiful, so loving, so alive and so full of pictures flashing before your eyes as if it's you who is seeing your life pass you by in one last exhilarating rush...I have to do something with this vivid poem, I don't know what or how, but now I will remember...

"Do not stand by my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints upon the snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain and
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am that swift uplifting rush,
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft star that shines at night.
Do not stand by my grave and cry,
I am not there, I did not die."

Mary Elizabeth Frye (written 1932?)

Melancholy

It's been a strange week up till now. Keeping my mouth shut, is not one of my greatest virtues, but I have managed to tell everybody (and I mean EVERYBODY) about my new job, except my boss. Because I want to sign my contract first. I've been sad and happy at the same time. Most of the time I don't know exactly what I feel, it's so mixed up. I think in a way I'm mourning over an opportunity gone by, the loss of nice people around me. Stepping of a road I thought I was gonna take for a while longer then I have. It's been a real roller-coaster. Somewhere inside me, I'm still afraid something will go wrong, because why should I be so lucky? But on the other hand...why not? I am learning the waiting game quite well these days...:)

Summer's near...

Got a new hairdo, a new job (I hope), the sun is shining, I feel good...could it be?

Brown Eyed Handsome Man

It's been a while since I've been so impressed by the opposite sex, that I started behaving like a silly schoolgirl...all butterflies, skittish eye-contact and awkward silences. But in portrait class this week I met my Nemesis and looked straight in the eyes of a guy that made my stomach turn 360 degrees and do a backflip at the same time. Boy was he gorgeous “and probably gay” echoes in my head. Well about 75% change of it anyway. He is in theatre, loves to dance, does modeling for fun and looks like you could put him on top of a cake and just take a bite...:) So he must be gay. Or maybe I just want him to be. For there was no vibe what so ever from him to me, while I made the Richter scale blush, he was like the man in the bubble, the eye of the storm, a blank canvas... nothing. Damn I am losing my touch. So he is gay...most definitely. He’s gay.

Ready to Inhale

I am in the need of air, fresh and sweet. Air without the wetness of rain, the sting of winters cold breath...just air thick with promisses of a new beginning, the start of spring, the joy of summer, sunrays captured in molecules moving in and out my body with every inhale, exhale, inhale of my tired lungs. "Breathe" wispers a soft voice against my skin..."Breathe" and I finally inhale...happiness, hope and light in one sweet suck of air. Could it be, that winter is saying goodbye and spring is finally here to greet me? I Inhale...and wait.

Fleeting Magic, Industrial World

I have a great fascination for reflections and the worlds that exist only for just a few seconds. Until you move and change your point of view and the magic is gone. I also love industrial pictures, especially of harbors and ships. So this one was a joy to catch and take hold of for more then just a few fleeting seconds.

Morning Walk

Woke up early this morning because of the bright light vibrating through my window. I looked outside...snow! So I shot into my clothes and rushed outside. Walked around for 2 hours, shot a ridiculous amount of pictures, but I had fun, so that's what counts.

Foul weather, foul mood

A bit of an off day yesterday. Man, I was sad, angry and depressed at the same time. So I went out into the poring rain, grapped my camera on the way to the door and shot some depressing shots to match my mood...felt better after that...:)

Dark Heart, Strange Dreams

Somehow I feel like my heart is gonna burst with loneliness, heartace of what should have been. I'm not suppost to be this sad woman going nowhere, so totally lost I just don't know where to start. Heavy weigh the tears in my eyes, dark dark feelings stirring under my half smile. I'm ok, really I am fine, see me laughing...just don't hear the cracks of my soul falling to pieces. I'm falling to pieces...but please look the other way.

It's happening all over again and I am tired of fighting, somehow my boxing gloves were lost miles back on this lost road I am following. When I look back to when all was promissing, not a care in the world, so much talent...what could go wrong. And then I took a turn righ, left, right and lost my way. Dizziness is making my sight blurry while rain keeps crashing on my window while I put my foot down on the gas. I can't see a thing, just streaks of light and darkeness, so much darkness. Deep inside I hope I'll hit something solid, so I can stop falling. So sick of myself I wanna throw up, noone to blame but myself, all me, always me.

That sad bleak version of me I do not even recognize in the mirror. So full of selfpity, so desperate to belong, to put the blame on everybody else but myself and knowing it full well. This is not me, I am not this person looking back at me through a rainy reflection on my windowshield. Please wake me from my nightmare life, not again, just not again. "Please make it stop, anyone, just...".

A dark shape appears in front of my bumper strangely lit by my headlights, just a quick thought like "Oh well" a sickning skreaching sound that doesn't seem to be coming from the car, a shockwave, my head hitting something hard, glass flying around me, a buzzing sound and then nothing...just white nothingness...no sound, no smell.

I open my eyes and look around, I don't recognize the room I'm in, don't know the faces looking down on me, don't remember my name... A fresh start, a new beginning, no past, just now...

"I should be so lucky". The sound of my own voice wakes me, I gulp down air like a goldfish in need, open my eyes and it is again the start of a new day. Same old story, same old me, my own waking nightmare...to be continued...again.

Portrait Faces

Since a month or so I am following a class in portrait studio photography. It's real fun, sometimes a bit crowded, but a nice teacher, nice students and lovely models. I'm quite happy with the last couple of shots. Not much to tell in my private life except that I really hate my job at the moment. Can't wait to be out of there. But that is work and I have a couple of days off, so let me share my portaits...light and fun...

Flower Voyeurism

All of a sudden I am totally into the decaying flowers. Feeling a bit bored today and a bit sick to boot, I began to ambush my dried up roses. Sticking my lens and my nose in at close range (no thorns for me fortunately). I came up with a brand new theme...flower voyeurism. I like it, hope you do too.

The Beauty of a Dying Swan...

You can find beauty in many places even in death. Normally I'm not so fond of taking pictures of flowers, but this dying lily was too beautiful to go to a silent death without some remembrance.