Salty Air

I miss the salty air of Terschelling, the way I seem to be able to breathe and exhale more deeply. I miss the shifting light that keeps illuminating the world around me, to leave me standing in the dark only seconds later. But in my mind I keep rewinding images of the soft glowing grass and colors getting bright and sparkly. And while shadows pass, where seconds ago color and life vibrated, I still see beautiful glimpses of a world better then where I am standing right now. Knowing that it will come again, if I am patient, if I am awake and if I just breathe.

Sexy High Heels

Ok I admit it, I'm a woman and shoes, well they seem to have a kind of magnetic pull. Especially if they are Italian designer shoes, with sexy high heels and soft Italian leather...and well they only cost a quarter of their original prize. It's a bargain and who can resist a bargain...not me, that's for sure.

I love the way they make me look and feel, all sexy, womanly and oh so powerful...I feel like shouting: "Watch out world, here I come."

And to top it all off, I bought an outfit to go with it, that says "Hire me, I'm different, you want different, or just well.... do you want me, do you, do you... try and catch me, but wait a sec while I put on my trainers...:)." I have my first job-interview next Wednesday and I think I will leave an impression. Fingers crossed.

How to be Homesick at Home Sweet Home...

I am Home Sweet Home, but I still feel Homesick. I already miss the sweet, heady smell of Terschelling, the smiling eyes of good friends and the bubbly feeling that I belong to strole on that beautiful island. Everything seems to shine brighter there, the colors are more vibrant, happiness seems to come effortlessly with sand between my toes and wind playing with my hair. It was pure bliss and now it is over...but I am charged once again and ready for my life on the mainland. Whatever may happen during these next 12 months...I will be on that boat next year...standing on deck and breathing in the salty air full of promisses of new adventures and new people to meet...I just have to wait... And well waiting sets my heart on fire and my soul ablaze...next year...next year...you'll see.

Lucky Me...Oerol Fantasy

You have days that you can only thank God or the Universe or the whatever entity somewhere pulling the strings to this crazy thing called Life... Because once in a while you realize that you are surrounded by special en loving people. Yesterday (and today) I had such a revelation. I had left a message on the voicemail of a good friend of mine, that I wasn't gonna make it to Oerol this year, because I lost my job quite suddenly. And money...well that was a bit of a problem (what else is new). The darling mailed me the next morning (yesterday) and said "Well grab your toothbrush, you can come to Terschelling, all expences paid, your tent is waiting. Love miss E and mister H" I had to swallow hard at that one...wow, Wow, WOW! She and her partner have a artproject on the beach I really wanted to see and I had been looking forward to going to the island. Then dear Murphy paid me a visit, couldn't go and then to make it all better.... I unexpectedly jumped in the train, leapt in the boat and I was off to my most beloved place...setting sail to Oerol and meeting my wonderful friends. Life is strange, wonderful and full of unexpected bits of happiness. I'm starting to believe that if you really believe the sun is out there somewhere, a ray of light will always find you one way or another...

He's just not that into you

The last couple of weeks I've been sort of interested in a guy I have know for ages. It took me by surprise and at first I didn't know what to do with myself, because it was so sudden. Let's face it... I'm dead shy when it comes to men I like. And that's a bit of a problem, because I seem so outgoing most of the time. So when I turn to being cold and distant all of a sudden, most men think, I don't like them anymore... How strange...:) The guy in question...let's call him mister A, has a lot of women buzzing around him. I call them barracuda's, because of their predator nature. I find this cat and mouse game quite amusing, beats lifeTV anytime. But yesterday I got a taste of the flip side of this game...karma will always be karma.  So I was strolling around on one of his Bohemian parties, very determined to go for it. Surprise, surprise, I chickened out and secondly I got the strong impression he was avoiding me with a passion. Only to have me realize that now I'm the one with the hungry look in my eyes and I'm scaring him off big time...I have drifted into deeper waters and am no longer that harmless little tropical fish with the nice shiny colors, but the dangerous and vicious barracuda ready to eat him alive. And then I realized another thing...."Hé girl, he's just not that into you...." Ouch...so much for my fluffed up ego...

Murphy's Law

How strange last Friday was... My best friend moving and leaving an Ocean of space between us, me not going to Artacademy after all and then to top it of...my boss calling me at 4.30 pm that I don't have to bother to come to work next Tuesday...because I'm fired....what? Yes FIRED...my contract ends today and the bastard called me 30 minutes in advance to tell me I don't have a job anymore... I'm totally flabbergasted, but that's not all...we all got fired, he is 65 and just wants to quite. We aren't even close to bankrupted... What an egotistic thing to do. How the hell am I gonna find a job I love so much as this one in...let's say... 20 hours? Beats me. But what the h... the weather is beautiful, let's forget about it and just enjoy the sun for a while...damn.

Saying Goodbye

My best friend is moving to St. Maarten and she's leaving next week.
We gave her a nice and private goodbye party yesterday, good food, good wine and good compagny. It doesn't hurt as much as a few weeks ago, but I am gonna miss her dearly.
She's quite a character and always makes me smile, we are always running from her house to mine, for there is only 1 house in between...:) It's going to be strange to not be able to do that anymore. But I wish her the best and a good adventure to boot. And there is always Skype...but it's not going to be the same...

Radio Silence

So strange...the radio silence I am receiving from what I thought to be a good friend. I don't know if I have to worry if she's all right or that something went horribly wrong between us last weekend. And I am totally oblivious to what the heck that could be... I've mailed, I've phoned...but nothing...not a blib or bleep. I think I will let it rest for a time now, maybe she just has to get her breath after 200 people visited our double exposition, maybe she has to regain her territory... I don't know... Strange...give me a good fight over radio silence every day... 

X-factor

Recent studies suggest that when a woman checks a man out, her first look is not towards his face but down under. I thought it was totally bullocks, but today I am in doubt. Today I was talking with a man I have known for quite some time and somehow, magically my eyes were contantly pulled down under...I could even call it staring...damn...and he noticed too...bummer. It is a good thing I can't blush so easily...being black does that to a person...but boy oh boy I could have lit a lighthouse. For his x-factor was like a biiiggggggggg magnet. And I was a willing subject...

Boring

I've been quite boring lately on my writing. It has a very simple explanation.

Too many people who I don't want to allow a peep in my brain and heart have access to my blog.

So strange that I don't mind shouting my dreams, hopes and despairs on the net, around the globe and back, but I do have a problem with some people reading it. The ones who's faces are familiar. The ones I can bump into on the street or in the supermarket... Faces I am not happy to see, who are part of my hurt, my loneliness. But it stops here, because I don't write this blog for them, I write this blog for me. Writing like this is like shouting my joy, my fears over rooftops into the world. Not knowing who hears me, but knowing I am heard, I am here, I am alive. It is too strong a freedom to give up. Maybe a little courage still trickles through these vains...

Courage

Courage...I seem to have a lack of it most of the time. All mouth and no heart, so scared, while time rushes me by.

A beautiful poem by Alice M. Swaim pulled heartstrings when I heard it, made me shiver when I read it and makes my sleepy chickenheart roar and beat on the rhythm of my dreams...maybe I can try again...soon.

"Courage is not the towering oak 

that sees storms come and go;

it is the fragile blossom 

that opens in the snow."

La La Land

Had a real drunken, cry my eyes out, confession big time baby mood yesterday.
It was kind of uplifting, it set me free and it made a mess off things...or rather I did.
There is a reason why I don't drink much, let alone get drunk...oh yeah, I get emotional..blehhhhh...:)
But in spite of all above...had a great time mister A. and miss J...:)

In my dreams...I'm floating...

In my dreams...I'm floating

Yesterday was the last day of my digital photo course.
Had fun...and finally at the very end of the line...
I got/made where I came for in the first place...
Something soft, new, dreamlike and a bit dark.

Waves crashing in...

Dog Town

A colleague / friend of mine asked me a while ago if I could take some pictures of her Charpei. Never took pictures of dogs before...and these are quite the characters so I said 'Yes'. There seems to develop a pattern in me laughing to loud and not being able to get good picts. But hey...look at that face...it's priceless...come on! He just looks like Olivier Bommel, he has blue blood running through his vains...:)

After our shoot we went to her mother's house (also a friend of mine) and I took some pictures of her Charpei's too. That was totally hilarious, because as soon as they saw the cam, they ran for cover.... mother and daughter running after them. I felt like I was watching a Charlie Chaplin movie with color and sound. I was laughing so loud it hurt. Finally I got them to sit still for a second and got a good shot. I don't know how those photographers do it...getting those animals to sit still...is like being Gandi and Houdini at the same time... But it is quite a good sport and laugh... Hope they will be happy with the picts.

Photoshop Fun

Because I want to do more with Photoshop. I am following a digital enhancement course. And it is so much fun. Most things I hear, I know, but somehow there is another click in my head and it comes out totally different then before. I'm playing again, having fun, looking from a different angle and that's just why I took this course in the first place...so I'm very happy. Here are my first try-outs.

TV break Household

I am a lousy housewife, I have a household of 'Jan Steen' and would really never be called a Stephord Wife...I don't like to clean, I'm not good at it and I never know where to begin, so mostly I don't start at all. But after many, many...many years I finally found the solution to my problem... Why slave hours and hours in a kitchen, or on all 4 cleaning the floor, doing a 2 week laundry all at once..when there are...TV breaks! 

It's so simple, I can only call it genius. I have found that cleaning and organizing during the 5 minute TV-break is just long enough to do something and short enough to not get bored. It even get's me running to get finished before the bell. A bit of competition brings fun into the game. And now I even like my 5 minute cleaning breaks. There is still a lot to do. But my 5 minutes are stacking up and my house looks half decent after 2 days of TV-breaks. 

I really could recommend this one...to everyone...so join in and let me know if it works....:)

Breaking My Heart

Some things are just too beautiful...

Painful to watch, 

Heartbreaking to not have seen at all... 

Life is strange... 

Falling

Swan Song

Serenity

Come Closer

Blown Away...

I went hunting for photographs with my good friend J. yesterday. We went to the Maasvlakte (Industrial area next to the river Maas).
It was icy cold, the wind literally blew us away, we got sandblasted...you name it.
But it was a beautiful sunny day, spent in good compagny...so we had a ball...:)

Breathe...

In the mists of my memories,


winds stir and wake unwanted feelings.

Sobbing sadness, longing...


Loneliness so complete and dark,


stars explode before my closed eyes.


Leaving imprints of happier times,


just out of reach.

Drowning in self-pity.


Looking up to see 
diamonds shifting from blues to greens.


So many miles to cross, to break through & breathe.

Breathe in life, hope, air.


Swim & Live


Live & Breathe


Breath & Hope...


Just breathe...

A Sliver of Life...

I have been feeling quite weird lately, been growling and barking a lot, trouble getting out of bed and concentrating in general.
Didn't know what to do with myself until I realised...it's January...my 'I feel depressed, let there be light' kinda month.
Once that mystery was solved it got a bit better. But I still feel a bit under the weather.
Have the feeling that everything and everyone is passing me by with lightning speed and I just don't seem to be able to catch up.
I just want to crawl under a rock or in a corner and wait it out... fortunately for me...this kind of mood always gives me inspiration. And good photos make me happy...I'm coming full circle once again..:)