Choices

Today is the day I have decided to grow up just a little bit more. I used to delay all decisions until it was too late. If I'm honest I waited for the rest of the world to give me the answers and give me permission to act. I never really took myself seriously or relied on myself to make the right choices... Never really wanted to grow up, I guess. But this is the day I make the choice to make choices from now on....foolish, smart, blind... It doesn't matter, it is time to take my life in my own hands. A colleague of mine sent me this 'fun'mail...and it got me thinking. It's in Dutch and I made the choice not to translate it.

Rob is het soort jongen dat je met liefde haat.
Hij is altijd in een goede bui en heeft altijd iets positiefs te zeggen.
Als iemand hem zou vragen hoe het met hem ging, zou hij antwoorden; als het nog beter met me ging, dan was ik een tweeling.
Hij was een natuurlijke motivator.
Als een werknemer een slechte dag had, dan was Rob daar om hem te vertellen naar de positieve kant van de situatie te kijken.
Door het zien van deze stijl werd ik nieuwsgierig.
Dus op een dag ging ik naar Rob en vroeg hem; ' ik snap het niet. Je kunt toch niet altijd een positief persoon zijn? Hoe doe je dat?'
Rob antwoordde: "Elke ochtend als ik wakker word, dan zeg ik tegen mezelf, je hebt twee keuzes.
Je kunt kiezen in een goede bui te zijn of je kiest er voor om in een slechte bui te zijn.
Ik kies er voor om in een goede bui te zijn.
Elke keer als er iets vervelends gebeurt, kan ik er voor kiezen om slachtoffer te zijn of ik kan er voor kiezen om er van te leren.
Ik kies er voor om er van te leren.
Telkens als iemand bij me komt klagen, kan ik kiezen om hun klagen te accepteren of ik kan ze de positieve kant van het leven wijzen.
Maar natuurlijk! Zo makkelijk is het niet, protersteerde ik.
Dat is het wel, zei Rob.
Het leven gaat constant over keuzes.
Als je alle rotzooi weghaalt, dan is elke situatie een keuze.
Je kiest hoe je reageert op situaties.
Je kiest om in een goede bui te zijn of in een slechte bui.

Moraal van het verhaal; Het is jouw keuze hoe je je leven leidt.

Ik paste vlak daarna toe wat Rob had gezegd.
Ik verliet de "tower industry" om mijn eigen zaak te beginnen.
We verloren contact maar ik dacht vaak aan hem wanneer ik een keuze over mijn leven maakte in plaats van er op te reageren.
Enkele jaren later hoorde ik dat Rob betrokken was bij een ernstig ongeluk.
Na gevallen te zijn van een 60 voet hoge communicatie toren.
Na 18 uur opereren en weken van intensive care, was Rob ontslagen uit het ziekenhuis met pinnen in zijn rug.
Ik zag Rob ongeveer zes maanden na zijn ongeluk.
Toen ik hem vroeg hoe het met hem ging, antwoordde hij: als het nog beter met me ging, dan was ik een
tweeling. Wil je mijn littekens zien?
Ik sloeg zijn aanbod af maar ik vroeg hem wel wat er door zijn hoofd was gegaan op het moment dat het ongeluk plaats vond.
"Het eerste dat door mijn hoofd ging was het welzijn van mijn dochter die weldra geboren zou worden, antwoordde Rob. Toen, op het moment dat ik op de grond lag, herinnerde ik me dat ik twee keuzes had.
Ik kon ervoor kiezen om televen, of.. Ik kon ervoor kiezen om dood te gaan.
Ik koos voor het leven.
Was je niet bang? Verloor je het bewustzijn?
Rob ging verder; het ambulancepersoneel was geweldig.
Ze bleven me vertellen dat alles in orde zou komen, maar toen ik de Eerste hulp werd binnengereden en ik zag de uitdrukkingen op de gezichten van de dokters en zusters, werd ik heel bang.
In hun ogen las ik: dit is een dode man.
Dus ik wist dat ik actie moest ondernemen.
Wat heb je toen gedaan? vroeg ik.
Wel, er was een grote zuster die vragen naar me schreeuwde, zei Rob.
Ze vroeg of ik allergisch was voor iets.
"Ja, antwoordde ik. De dokters en zusters stopten met werken, terwijl ze wachtten op mijn antwoord.
Ik nam een diepe teug adem en schreeuwde "zwaartekracht".
Over hun gelach heen vertelde ik hen: Ik kies er voor om te leven.
Opereer me alsof ik leef, niet alsof ik dood ben.
Rob leefde, dankzij de vaardigheid van de dokters, maar absoluut ook door zijn geweldige houding.
Ik leerde van hem, dat we elke dag de keuze hebben volledig te leven.
Houding, per slot van rekening, is alles.
Daarom, maak je geen zorgen om morgen, want morgen zal voor zichzelf zorgen.
Elke dag heeft genoeg problemen van zichzelf.
Per slot van rekening is vandaag het morgen waar je je gisteren zorgen om maakte. Je hebt nu twee keuzes:
1. delete dit

2. forward dit naar mensen waar je om geeft.

Je kent nu de keuze die ik maakte.

In mijn geval zet ik het op mijn blog...voor iedereen die dit wil lezen en er wat aan heeft.

Some photo's along the way

"Mother and Daughter swimming in the Maas"
...picture taken from the harbour entrance Vlaardingen

Someone saved or lost?

I see the light (size small)

My favorit chair

Up close and personal...

First step to Rome...all aboard!

Within a week I'm taking my boots into a new realm... I'm switching jobs. Not a design job I'm afraid, but a good job, with a nice boss and a good pay. Think it's gonna be fun. It is strange to let go of a place where I've worked for over 2,5 years. I am leaving with mixed feelings...regret and relief. Regret to say goodbye to so many nice colleagues and relieved to leave a very stressful relationship with my boss. Don't think I want to work for a woman again any time soon. Somehow it always goes wrong, why I'm not sure but I am better with men. It's exiting, but also a little scary to step into that office next friday... everything new and unexplored... wondering what kind of colleagues I'm gonna meet... hearing almost everything for the first time. I kind of like the first few months of a new job... just for those reasons. Well I'm on my way now, so I better get on that train and see where it takes me.

This photo is a view of the trainstation Schiedam Central. Liked the light and the structure and almost missed my train taking it.

Me, my Mac and I

A new love has found a way to my heart. He's fast, beautiful and I totally adore him. He jumps up to forfill my every wish before I say it out loud or even think it. And I am addicted, hooked and I don't even mind...he tells me jokes if I ask him to and orders me to go back to work when I'm fooling around too long. He is the ideal boyfriend... It's a pity he can't move and only sits on my desk all day. Well you can't have it all. Love him anyway.

Spring is a coming...in Jeans?

Strange...just got a visit from the artdirector of the movie 'Crusade in Jeans'. The world is small....especially when it's called Holland. Anyway I was glad to be of help. The movie is gonna come out in September. This turns out to be an unusual day.


















With the tunes of 'Summertime' on the background, I'm looking back on a wonderful day. For the first time in months the sun showed me her smile and she kept smiling all day long. I didn't realize up till now, how much I had missed her warmth, the sight of clear blue skies. It made my steps feel light and strong and I couldn't get that big grin of my face. It felt like pure freedom...gone gray moody sky, gone darkness when I get up and darkness when I come home. Spring is a coming and Summer is just around the corner...awaiting me with new adventures, new people to meet, wine to sip with friends...lazy afternoons and sensual nights...I cannot wait.

The angry rantings of a woman scorned

A few years back I was not a romantic...not by choice of heart but unfortunately by experience. I didn't believe in lines as "You're the one", "You're so beautiful, you take my breath away" and such. And then came one guy who broke through my heavy guarded shields with just those lines...and I fell...fell deep with a big stupid smile on my face. It was to be expected that this fairytale wasn't to end well, but hell...I was won over by the other side... And when the curtain fell, I changed into a very angry woman, who wanted the world to know...not to believe in romance, love and especially men. Well...I'm tired of being cynical now, but for all who are experiencing this crushing feeling of the heart right now...maybe this will 'cheer' you up.

Midlife Crisis Blues

Isn't it ironic?
Found my dreamguy...
Great sex, great brain, great butt.
Sex in the City eat your heart out!
He really sees me, feels me and dumps me...
WHATTT???!
Hello! No "Happy ever after",
not even a "sex after"?
Friendship and love...YEAH RIGHT
That I can get from my REAL friends.
What about orgasm?
Was oestrogen on sale? 50% off?!
Oh fuck men and being in touch.
Analyse your spermcount
Analyse your hairloss
But don't analyse your heart...
It will always be a blindspot
So hell...you've got a midlife crisis at age 31
Did you have to give me the midlife crisis blues,
to go with my scattered sex appeal as well?


Of course the poor fellow never got to see this, but the sleepy, still a little angry woman inside me, hopes he will stumble on this ranting one day soon. So guys beware of a woman scorned...Shakespeare wrote a play about it, so maybe he's got a point.

Photo Booth...who can resist?!

Having fun has never been so easy...





Just being silly...







Also have a look at: www.ruabarbosa1.blogspot.com
You have to be able to read Dutch though.

My favorite wildlife artist

My favorite wildlife artist is my brother Jeroen Verhoeff. I'm a little biased...ok, he's family, but if you visit his website, you'll see why. I think he is unique because of the extend of his research before he even sets one stroke of paint on his canvas. His 3D research models I especially like, because everything is just right, not a feather, not a curve is unnatural or fiction. He's a scientist if you ask me...but a scientist who can paint and paint well! The thing that separates him from other wildlife artists is that he doesn't have that fluffy romantic brushstroke...he is no Bob Ross...but he has his humor though. His paintings always have some kind of action and movement in them and the clarity of a photograph, it is as though you are looking through a cameralens at a world you never witnessed before.

The big WHY???! in the sky.

Yesterday I couldn't sleep, I just finished 'Deception Point' of Dan Brown and something was bugging me. Something I hadn't thought about in a while... the Universe. We want to explore and find new life, but last night there was something on the edge of my mind, that wouldn't let go of the stranges thought....Why is the Universe so depleted of life? Are we missing the big picture here. If there's a God, are we but an experiment?

Why are there so many stars and planets circling around each other for no other reason than to exist to push and pull...over and over again, solarsystem after solarsystem? What's the use? All living things on our little planet Earth have there function and fit neatly into a system, each form of life depending on the other to exist. It just doesn't make sense that there are billions of stars and planets that are without life but do exist without any reason then to exist?

And if there's a God and he created the Universe, why on earth did he only give the spark of life to our little planet? And not to the thousands of planets in our surrounding solarsystems? You would expect planets buzzing with life only next door. So why isn't it so? Why create all those planets and stars and give life to only one? Some would say, because we're special, chosen. I would say if where the only one in such an immense space...we're an experiment or an accident. It's not the extraterrestrial life that freaks me out, but the lacking of it. It couldn't be that in this infinite Universe we are the only ones. How lonesome, small and vulnerable does that feel like...but also very special, unique even if we are but an experiment...don't you think?

The way to Rome please?!

Hello world,

In the Netherlands we have a saying....'There is more than one road that leads to Rome.' Anyone who knows A way...please stand up, cause I'm lost and I need to find my way. One morning I woke up, suddenly 31 years old and I realized that against all odds and against my will...I'm growing up.... Why?! Well I seem to be changing into a fruit of some kind, that needs to be gathered...but what kind of fruit am I or do I want to be? Why not be a vegetable? Hell let's be a potato. I'm balancing between my old life and the new one. A part of me just wants to close my eyes and pretend I'm not standing on this thin wire hanging over an abyss. Well sorry if I'm getting carried away...I'm a bit of a dramaqueen...I know.

What's going on? I graduated last summer and I can call myself an interior architect. I won a prize with my design and it still feels unreal to be finished, to be done and to have the creepy feeling that everything has just started. And who am I to think I know it all? (A fact till about a year ago). I also discovered that I don't understand men at all...and they say women are a mystery?

So I am using this blog to find my way to Rome...in life and love, with some snapshots along the way. It's not the destination, but the journey that's of significance...someone once said...so let's get started. These boots are made for walking and that's just what they'll do.









Even lifelines lose there way sometimes...