Diary Droodles...

I used to write in my diary almost every day from when I was very little till I was about 20 years old. When my mother started dying, when I moved out and started living on my own...something changed and I stopped writing or reflecting all together. In some periods after that I started again, mostly when I was in love or something like that. Strange enough I didn't write a word during the 6 year period of my former and only serious relationship up to date, maybe if I had, it wouldn't have lasted those 6 years, but that's easy to say now.

2007 started off to be a great year of body, mind and soul, but somehow, somewhere, I lost my way. I've always been a drifting kind of soul I think. Wondering from one place in my heart and head to the other, in love, in work, in direction of life in general and now this year also in friendship. While the year started good and smiling, it ended confused and a bit sad. This jumping from left to right, up and down is making me agitated, restless and frankly scared to death. I feel I can't continue in the way that I have, but don't know what I really want.

Everytime something begins to focus outof the blur of my life I get bored or scared or both and simply let my eyes wonder till I see the next project, the next course to follow. And every time I step away from my former path, I get more frustrated and feel that I am making the wrong turn, but still knowing I can't stay on the rocks that will help cross my river. Instead I jump in the freezing water once again and for a breef moment the cold flames my soul alive, till the freezing cold gets hold of my limps, my skin gets numb and I start climbing on the next rocks the river sends me and again start to jump, walk and climb to the other side.

I'm not doing well I guess. I'm trying, but it takes guts to make choices and I seem to be a coward that lets my river decide which way I have to turn everytime I close my eyes and jump in.

In a whole year I haven't written more then 8 pages in my diary. It is a special kind and a little book that made me smile when I bought it. 1 page for 1 day and at the bottom of every page a little blank picture where you have to draw smileys, tears etc. to indicate what kind of mood you're in today. 8 little droodles that show so clearly the weather of my year. I hope this year will bring me more insight, more courage to confront others and mostly myself. To look in the mirror and like myself again, it's been a while....

Painting with Light...the story continues...

I've been sick lately, sick with the flue, sick with my boss, sick of taking pictures. Luckely the last changed when I took out my camera one night and started to do what I like most... Taking pictures that almost noone likes or understands...but pictures that paint a smile on my face and that will have to be enough...for now.


For everyone who reads this before the fireworks start at 24.00 on the 31th of December...

"Happy 2008,
may your dreams be merry
and your backsack light..."

Just for Hayden

Painting with light...the sequal...especially for Hayden...:)

Painting with Light

Have been taking a lot of photo's lately and found a new topic of wonder...light at nigt...or painting with light. Just to be surprised and in stead of wanting to control everything. It's like being a kid again. An experiment to repeat, just for the fun of it...:)

Man in Motion

I think I got it all now...a serie in the making, tomorrow I will show my fellow classmates, what I think is a man in motion. A bit scary, but I think it's a good serie, some don't quite fit in yet, but that's ok. Let it grow, learn some patience (talking to myself now). Can't wait to show it though and to see what they've come up with...:)







Update: I like this one a lot, but it didn't seem to fit the serie...still... I just couldn't let it collect dust...so here it is...:)

Gilles de la Tourette Photographer...

She's been a sleep for a while, taking a well deserverd break from shooting a 1000 pictures a week during the Zomerterras in Vlaardingen (august)...but she's back! The one and only...Gilles de la Tourette Photographer of the World, the magnificant...Zoomfreaky....Wheeeeeeeeeee.

And now a bit more seriously. I lost a bit of my spunk due to overdoing what I love most. But the Photography course is really stimulating me again to pick up my friend and start roaming the streets once more...:) These are some pict of the last two days...







A sad old beaten Cadillac limo on my way to the trainstation (Rotterdam CS) on the way home....
Because I'm practicing to shoot in series I shot one half with a hard flash and hard contrast and the other out of my hand with motionblur....it was night already then. Has to give the photo's a hard edge. Hope it worked. The serie is not complete yet, think I'll have to go back a couple of times...but it's such a strange site to see, such a beautiful car...the holy cow of holy cows...standing sad but proud in a parkinglot, like it's gonna take off any minute now...a strange grave for one so beautiful...

Serious Photographer...em...Me?

Yesterday was the first night of my photocourse (?) at the SKVR (Las Palmas building Rotterdam). I was a bit nervous if I'm honest. Will I live up to standards..that sort of thing. But it's a nice group so I think I'm gonna be fine. The teacher shoots like I shoot only with a theme or concept that carries the photo's so I think I'm gonna learn a lot from her. She is really into presentation...and somehow I'm not with my photo's...so that's gonna be a learning point for me. The first assignment is "Man in Motion". Found it a bit dull, but have come up with a nice idea that jumps a bit out of the box...I hope. A little boy pointing at the mark on the doorpost....showing how tall he has become. Another viewpoint on the subject 'Man in motion' I think. Have the boy in mind...hope he has a doorpost with growthmarks on it at home.... :)