Childhood Memories

You used to love me when you were 3 feet tall.
Now I lie in a corner, forgotten and small.
The heartache of you growing up and me getting older....
Oh the bitter sweet memory of my head lying on your shoulder.
You used to love me when you were 3 feet tall.
Now I lie forgotten in a corner, next to your dolls.

I'm a bitch...

Been a bitch lately. Tired of people hurting my feelings and I thinking "Well it's only ...., I know he/she is only joking. Let's just smile and forget about it." F... off. I'm tired to try to spare other people's feelings while they don't feel obligated to do so with mine. People just get real spooked when I say what is really on my mind. I'm not the sweet and meek girl they think or want me to be. I guess it feels like the sweet cat you've been petting all your life, suddenly snarls, flings out it's claws and becomes the lioness you always missed seeing with your delusional eyes. People see and hear what they want to hear. I'm just a bit fed up with it all.

Summer has officially begun...

Yesterday we had a little party at number 65. All the neighbors and one special guest were there. We lived up to the expectations of artists; fun, blow, wine, sex and rock and roll (or house). With me as an innocent bystander of course. I didn't drink or blow, well actually I did, but did no kissy kissy and that sort of stuff...unfortunately. Because special guest...well, he's a hotty...:) Had big fun with one of my neighbors though, I like him a lot, think he does too....er...like me. But well no hanky-panky for me for a while, at least not with him, much too shy. But we had great fun playing the voyeur. Naughty miss J was on a roll last night, can't believe she did it, silly girl. And well mister special guest, you once again confirmed that men can't be trusted. What I said, there’s nothing manlike I don't know about... pity. Anyway the summer has officially begun, we opened the season with a bang, let this be a lonngggg one, with lots of hot and steamy summer nights.

Forgetful mind...

Oef, how stupid can I get. All right...I was sick, but that's no excuse to forget your nephew's 1st birthday...Auw.
Forgetful mind, stupid blubber of a brain, with the sounds of my brother's mix in the background, I can only say I'm sorry.
Sorry little one. Bad auntie, baadddd auntie.
Hope you had a wonderful time.
XxxX

Hello...speed things up...

I have been an angel of patience, but Scotty beamed up my pretty wings...so 'Bye bye Bojoura'...'Helloooo Bo'.
I found a guy I was really into, decided to take it slow and not become the proverbial rebound rebound girl.
But hell, everything is better then nothing at all, this 'relationship' has been in a non-place for months. Standing still, frozen in midair and making quite a show out of it. Not really friends, not really lovers and not having sex at all, since when did I become the saint of chastity. Spring is showing it's ugly head once more and my hormones are taking over. So sexy lovers around the globe...come out, come out...where ever you are...Bo is back in town.

Twisted Fate...

I wrote it yesterday..."I just heard the news today"...and now I just reading an email from a friend in America...she's had a brainbleed, and yesterday's words come rushing back in like a sick practical joke...to make matters worst is that a friend of mine called me to tell her sister died...Oi fate this is not funny!!!!! I'm not laughing...you better stop this now.............please...

I just heard the news today...

What would you do, if you heard the words "You have one year to live and then you die" coming from your doctor's mouth. Ten little words bouncing back and forth in your head like an echo in a wishing well. One year, 52 weeks, 356 days, 8.544 hours, 512.640 minutes, 30.758.400 fleeting seconds to spare...to live, to breath, to love.

What would you do? After stuttering words of disbelief, denial, livid rage and finally desperate tears drawing unspoken pleas down your skin....
What would You do?

How would you make amends with it and be sure you have no unfinished business when you cross that final border? What missing pieces would you fill? What would you be missing out on in your fate shortened life and how would you make your peace with that? What dreams would you just have to for-fill to complete your circle of life and love? Who would you have to say goodbye to.....How would you celebrate life.

Don't be scared that this is some twisted suicide note, or that I just returned from a devastating visit from my doctor D. It's not.
I just feel the jaws of fate trapping me into a life I don't want and it makes me think. Shouldn't you plan your life as if you have just one more year to live? No excuses to fall back on. No "When I have done this and that, then I will...". Only the hard and liberating fact of 356 days to complete your life and live it to the rim.

I think all comes clear when those words are spoken out loud, banging with a relentless never tiring force. There are only priorities and nothing else. Only people you want to be with and no more ghosts that live on your birthday calendar only.
Thankful for every breath and every gentle breeze. Just you and life, vibrating with every fibre...

My aura...

Your Aura is Yellow

You're a deeply happy and content person, and you enjoy sharing your cheer with others. While you may seem like a simple optimist, there is a lot of thinking going on inside you. The purpose of your life: bringing joy and a better life to others Famous yellows include: Conan O'Brien, Jenny Mccarthy, Jim Carrey Careers for you to try: Athlete, Actor, Yoga Instructor

What Color Is Your Aura?

Things To Do

I waited like 1 hour on a cold and windy trainstation in the middle of nowhere...just wanting to go home. A trip of about 30 minutes took me 2 hours...Our national railway compagny is making a fine art of being Late, Later and "Forget it, I ain't coming".
So much to do...so little time...

Smile...

....what can I say...am happy.

How to Measure Time....?!?

I'm at the Dark Side of the Force again...
Time is slipping away as we speak.
Where is that damn Pause or Rewind button when you need it...?!!!
2th of februari is storming in like it wants to be here in just one minute instead of the comforting haven of a couple of weeks.

Reflection Magic

Still sad, but not so bad as Monday.
What a timing to stop with my Meds...silly me.
Well, made my choice, so I'll stick with it.
Just have to get used to my more spirited self again.
Melancholy doesn't seem to blur my eyes though...
Water is Magic...pure Force of Life
I close my eyes and drink you in with every pore of my body...

Ghost of Me

December isn't my kind of month,
today isn't my day...I'm blue as blue can be.
Blue, well that's me.
December the month of dark nights with sparkling lights,
family,
Christmas carols sung with so much glee and one crying soul.
Well, that's me.

I feel wave after wave crashing in on my resolve to play the part of "I'm ok, I'm fine, no hurting here....really".
No "I wanna go to sleep and wake up in a new and bright 2007"
This year I can't seem to pretend.
Tear after tear keeps rimming my eye to the point of no return.
Drawing salty lines down my cheeks and making me feel weak and silly and oh so sad.
Mister tear, haven't you been here just last year, round the same month, the same day, the same hour?
Haven't I seen you before, oh dear...here we go again.

Every year it's the same thing all over again.
When the candles are lit, the tree stands proud, people gathering round...
I feel lonely, longing for something loved and lost...so precious, so fragile, so out of my reach.
I miss you Mom, more then words can say.
Wishing you were still here with me.
It's such a big world without your light to guide me, so big...and I'm so small
It's gonna be a lonely Christmas without you...again.

Designers Block

When the heat is on...my brain start cooking....AAARGHHHHHH.
Can't even spell anymore, well that says it all....AAAAAARRGGGGHHHH.
But I'm fine really...:))

Smelling the Roses

Life is good...

Weekend can't start soon enough...

Finally...

Finally it happened...autumn packed up it's things, left it's summerhouse and came rushing back in.
Who needs a holiday when you can play and frolic right at home?
When cold, wet winds start to beat their tingly waves at my face and my hair starts to imagine it's attached to a wild bucking Bronco...I feel my step becoming springy and my mind waking up with a start...Eying the world with surprise and vivid longing.
Something about autumn makes me feel more alive, more vibrant then any other season. It takes me by surprise year after year.
Who cares about the red, runny nose... Give me autumn anytime, to chase colorful falling leaves, to lean against a wind that wants to knock me down. The feeling of time passing, life ending with a big bang but always with the certain hope of spring. The season when Mother Earth throws all her energy in your face and laughs her infectious laugh. A laugh you can feel bubbling in your stomach...like being in love, in love with life...oh sweet life...

Phew

Fist day is a fact. Think I will enjoy myself over there. But suspect one colleague of mine is on the verge of a breakdown but doesn't know it yet. So ... we will see what will happen. Hope I get to do more, because today was just too easy... But for now it's ok, am not jumping up and down, but I'm not screaming and kicking either. Time will tell.

On my lunchbreak I went outside and sat down at an espressobar around the corner. My table'mate' was an architect of Rem Koolhaas....very intimidating. But I had a fairly nice conversation with her. Think I will go to that 'bar' more often, interesting people to find there.

Fingers crossed

Starting my new job tomorrow.
So me and Jack ran around my house and put my whole interior tupsy turvey...
Wish me luck...and fingers crossed.

Last dance...

Last dance...or in this case...last day at work.
Don't know what I'm feeling right now.
I had a ball...freedom, play, interesting projects, a clown of a boss, nice colleagues...and now..nothing.
I believe I was already missing everybody and everything last week. And now it just feels like tomorrow I'll wake up, hop under the shower, get dressed, stuff my mouth full off the first eatable thing in grabbing range and jump on the train to Rotterdam, step in the metro, exit at Leuvenhaven and walk those short 5 minutes to work. Never more...oh drama...
Well it's not that big of a deal, but it just feels so strange. Don't think I will find a boss like that anytime soon. I learned a lot about management and processes from him and I always knew he respected my opinion ). But most of all we shot the word 'silly' into a whole new dimension, we had so much fun and I'm gonna miss that a lot.
Hope we can all keep in touch, like Humphrey Bogard said in Casablanca...
"I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."