Tango Embrace

Since May this year I have emerged myself with everything to do with Argentine Tango. I am in love with the movement of body and soul, the music that pierces through your heart and makes it stop and then beat faster. I never really dared to take photo's of this intimate interaction before...but this weekend I tried for the first time and I like it...

Memories of Lisboa (in Dutch)

De geur van zon op mijn huid vermengt met neerdwarrelende paarse bloesem, met een vleugje warme vanille die liefdevol wordt geroerd door een zacht, zingende keukenmeid die zoete, Fadoachtige slaapliedjes zingt. Jagend licht dat daalt en stijgt en zijn spotlicht richt op kastelen, graffiti en in elkaar verstrengelde geliefden op bankjes in parken waar sprookjes nog lijken te bestaan. En een wind die langs mijn haren strijkt en zucht… Lisboa.

New paths?

A friend said the weirdest thing to me last week. She said I talk as if I'm reading out loud from a romantic novel. You know, the ones where the women swoon, are stubborn and bonny and the men are hard and beastly and give smoldering looks that burn the other sex into willingly piles of fuming ash (scented not stirred). For an unromantic soul like myself that is quite the shocker. Who says that... and more importantly... should I take it as a compliment or a new career choice?

One of these days

Some days are better then others. This one has been one roller coaster.

Going from totally exited, happy to see people and learning new programs that thrill me to feeling totally overwhelmed, out of place, out of control and back to silly happy again. PMS who needs it anyway. Jeezzzzzzzzzz.

Little Dutch Poem

I love to take long, hot showers.

Random words gently gliding by, like little rivers of thought merging, dividing, and sliding down my skin. And then suddenly, after all these years... a little poem halts and stares. I jump and stumble to get away from my safe water world to sit down behind my desk and write swiftly, creating little splashes of ink. I'm thinking of a bigggg boatman, who promised to take me sailing. It is windy outside and I want to leave port.

't waait, 't zwaait,

't ruist, 't bruist,

mijn hart klopt hard,

mijn hart klopt diep,

van onder wel,

van boven niet...

Hello again...

Went to Amsterdam a while ago.
Shot these tourists from up up up close.
They never noticed, they were just captivated by their little camera screen and each other.
Wish I could feel that way...
When I look at my photo's, I just shrug and couldn't care less. Their closeness shoves my feelings of solitude right back in my face.

Don't know what's wrong with me lately.
For the last 2 weeks I have felt like crying big, heart wrenching sobs.
But instead I curl up and sleep 18 hours a day, barricading myself in my little home and feeling oh so sorry for myself.
There is no reason for me to feel this way. Nothing big has happened to me lately, except that 2 weeks ago I got sick and stopped running.
And it seems that something has caught up with me.
Like little creepy crawlers, Disappointment and Melancholy are here again, gnawing at my stupid heart and brain.

Maybe it's just that so many people close to me are not in a happy place right now. Maybe I feel scared for the world I live in every day... so much destruction, cruelty and stupidity. Maybe I long for a lover to share my little every day life with. Or maybe it's just that I don't feel happy with who I have become and where I am right now.
The feeling that I'm getting estranged from the me I used to be gets stronger every day.
Pretending to be someone I'm not and not liking the woman in the mirror.

Clueless who I want to be, desperately wanting to recover my passion in life.

Knowing that something has to change, now!

And secretly hoping that out of nowhere Prince Charming will appear to rescue me from this mess. So I don't have to be brave and blindly take the next step into the unknown.

Modelshoot

Animation Frenzy

Am working on an animation for the first time ever.

It's hard work, but sooooo much fun.

Here are the first seconds... I'm aiming at about 30 seconds of animation...

It's gonna be a fun proces!

Memories

Used to think that I looked more like my aunt then my mother. But looking at this old picture I can only say that that isn't true... It makes me so happy. A little piece of her is still in this world...and it's me...

GrrrrrrRRrRRrrrr

Ok, I totally agree, but really, do you have to be so blunt.

How to change a man's mind from adoring you to having him run away and calling for his Mummy in 5 hours... It's an artform, but embarrassingly simple. Say everything he doesn't want to hear. Crush all his one-sided notions about your character and who you really are. Confirm on every turn you're not the relationship kind of girl and honestly you can go without having sex for 2,5 years and not blink an eye. Especially that last little detail will do the trick quite nicely. And mostly act your little heart out. I really did miss my calling.

I liked the guy to start with, but there is something about that Droopy eyed-like look. Those long gazing stares and the feeling of that oh so feared pedestal growing and gaining hight with every damn second, that just drives me bonkers everytime. How come they refuse to see me for who I really am. It's frustrating and confusing. All those preconceptions make me want to scream my head off, instead I do all of the above. I find it unnerving that someone who has only met me once thinks he knows me to the bone. That just brings out the She-Devil in me. And she is not nice, though she looks stunning in red...

But let's end where I started. After a French movie and a reasonable diner, the man looks me straight in the eyes and tells me that he doesn't believe that we could make it as a couple, we would break up eventually in a few years so why start. And oh, oh, I was so like his ex. What? My thoughts hadn't run past the "Hello" stage and mister "I know it all" was already light years ahead.

Now if I'm honest I was thinking that I liked him, but I didn't feel any click what so ever, the Droopy eyes and preconceptions didn't help. But man oh man. Do you have to be so blunt. At least I had the decency to hold my tongue and wait it out a bit. First impressions can be deceiving, I've learned that much. But nooooo, just spit it out, get it of your chest and be done with it. So here I am, spitting fire behind my computer, while really, I got my way. How infuriatingly confusing it is, to be a person with Oestrogen running through her vains. Really who thought of that practical joke... God is definitively NOT a woman.

Poet F. Starik

This summer I had the opportunity to photograph the poet F. Starik in Amsterdam. I was quite nervous, but I think I pulled it off...:) I don't have that much time for photography lately, not the creative stuff anyway. Have to intigrate it more in my lifestyle, think it is again time for iPhone fun...

Seeing the Light...

Industrial Dreams 2

Industrial Dreams

Been photographing again with my photo collective 'Shoot to Thrill'. It seems that industrial en urban photography is really my thing. I had such a wonderful time looking around for strange objects, color and repetitions. I had my experimental hat on yesterday, so I tried to do multiple exposures. Haven't done that in a lonnnnnng time. But I like the strangeness and the unseen worlds it creates. Have to do it more often.

Hot weather daydreams

I want to lie in a bathtub filled with ice-water, ice-cubes floating around me like soap bubbles. I want to dive into the ocean and swim for what seems an eternity. Hair waving around me, sounds muffled, sunlight softly filtered playing on my face. The feeling that I can hold my breath for hours at a time. To just stay in this calm water world, cool water caressing my skin, eyes wide, big smile and feeling so alive.

Or being in the middle of a storm, wind flagging me, whipping around me in cold, angry gusts, energizing me. And then that first little drop exploding on my face. Followed by many others hailing down on me, faster and faster, soaking me to the skin, to the bone. And me laughing, running, feeling silly and exuberant.

Or just lying on the beach, hot and sticky, with a beautiful man next to me, making my ears roar and sweat trickling down, sweet and salty. Summer is good, don’t wake me up and burst my bubble...

Leggy Legs

Love Birds?

Stardust Reflections

Sop in the Pan panic

Something terribly tragic has happened. I don't know if I will be able to overcome this drama. How can I live without my favorite soul food in my favorite café.

The sweet, sturdy flesh of ripe strawberries together with just a tit-bit of cold vanilla ice-cream followed by a big juicy bite of caramelized cake, with the most heavenly texture, melting on my tongue. Why, why, WHY big Y in the sky, did you allow them to remove my favorit dessert, main course AND appetizer of the menu...WHYYYY. Oh well. It's up to me from now on, I guess. Instead of eating it once a week, I will be cooking Sop in the Pan every, single day. And by the way, it's all on you, Sir.

Dancing on the Ceiling

Had my first Reiki session ever yesterday. Didn't know quite what to expect...but I like it...very much. I have been so tired lately, people must wonder if I'm talking to them or the person standing next to them. The eyes of the Siamese cat down the street look normal compared to my double-double crossed eyed look. That is...until yesterday. Today I feel all bubbly and breezy. So much so, that it almost seems ridiculous. Needless to say that I like Reiki and I am going back for more. And to boot, Miss C. is a sweet, intelligent person and I'm just in love with her cute, little dog. So if you live near Rotterdam I can recommend the Reikisalon. I'm very curious how long this energy vibe will last. But I can only say....Wowowowow.... I'm backkkkkkk.