Smelling the Roses

Life is good...

Weekend can't start soon enough...

Finally...

Finally it happened...autumn packed up it's things, left it's summerhouse and came rushing back in.
Who needs a holiday when you can play and frolic right at home?
When cold, wet winds start to beat their tingly waves at my face and my hair starts to imagine it's attached to a wild bucking Bronco...I feel my step becoming springy and my mind waking up with a start...Eying the world with surprise and vivid longing.
Something about autumn makes me feel more alive, more vibrant then any other season. It takes me by surprise year after year.
Who cares about the red, runny nose... Give me autumn anytime, to chase colorful falling leaves, to lean against a wind that wants to knock me down. The feeling of time passing, life ending with a big bang but always with the certain hope of spring. The season when Mother Earth throws all her energy in your face and laughs her infectious laugh. A laugh you can feel bubbling in your stomach...like being in love, in love with life...oh sweet life...

Phew

Fist day is a fact. Think I will enjoy myself over there. But suspect one colleague of mine is on the verge of a breakdown but doesn't know it yet. So ... we will see what will happen. Hope I get to do more, because today was just too easy... But for now it's ok, am not jumping up and down, but I'm not screaming and kicking either. Time will tell.

On my lunchbreak I went outside and sat down at an espressobar around the corner. My table'mate' was an architect of Rem Koolhaas....very intimidating. But I had a fairly nice conversation with her. Think I will go to that 'bar' more often, interesting people to find there.

Fingers crossed

Starting my new job tomorrow.
So me and Jack ran around my house and put my whole interior tupsy turvey...
Wish me luck...and fingers crossed.

Last dance...

Last dance...or in this case...last day at work.
Don't know what I'm feeling right now.
I had a ball...freedom, play, interesting projects, a clown of a boss, nice colleagues...and now..nothing.
I believe I was already missing everybody and everything last week. And now it just feels like tomorrow I'll wake up, hop under the shower, get dressed, stuff my mouth full off the first eatable thing in grabbing range and jump on the train to Rotterdam, step in the metro, exit at Leuvenhaven and walk those short 5 minutes to work. Never more...oh drama...
Well it's not that big of a deal, but it just feels so strange. Don't think I will find a boss like that anytime soon. I learned a lot about management and processes from him and I always knew he respected my opinion ). But most of all we shot the word 'silly' into a whole new dimension, we had so much fun and I'm gonna miss that a lot.
Hope we can all keep in touch, like Humphrey Bogard said in Casablanca...
"I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

Cocktail Tipsy

Went out with my boss and a couple of colleagues from work to celebrate that we are leaving and starting with new jobs / careers / studies etc. We ended up in a cocktailbar and then it got interesting...drank cocktails with spicy names like Passion Fruit and Pussy Juice (not kidding) and got a bit tipsy. The wild stories went back and forth...It's a good thing we are leaving the .... Some made me blush, but mostly I laught till my tummy didn't like me anymore. That's a bar I'm gonna visit more often and see what secret bedtime stories I can pull out of my victims...:)))))
Ha Ha Haaa Ha
(Ghostly Creepy Laughter with echo).

Neurotic...why me?

Some days I tell myself that I am just a normal, totally average, pure sane, nothing wrong with me kind of lady. It's a pity it doesn't hold out long. Say a couple of hours, 30 minutes...ok 15 then.. Everything went just fine, going out with a couple of friends, meeting with mister O., flirting away...and then. Take him home and then what happens? I get all nervous, almost shown him my 'stampcollection', the plants that don't exist in this plane, the stains on the wall... getting totally nervous because my house is a mess and I get all territorial.... Pffffffff. Sometimes it's damn tiring being me, I tell you. So now I sit at home...alone, totally awake and telling the whole world I'm one .... neurotic bird. Care for a tune anyone?

Photo Marathon Rotterdam 2006

Mmmm has been a while, hasn't it? Don't know what's up with me lately, I feel like a bear preparing for hibernation. In the meanwhile I've become 32, I almost need a new job and I'm still a 'happy' single. But that doesn't mean I don't do stuff.
This weekend I participated in a Photo Marathon in Rotterdam with a good friend of mine, we had a lot of fun. It's nice to have a friend you can spend 24 hours with in total harmony, not needing to talk unless you want to, to feel free to go your way and knowing you won't hurt someone's feelings. We've known eachother all our lives and I'm glad she is back in Holland again.

The Marathon was a blast, 24 hours, 24 assignments, 24 photos and 6 checkpoints all over the city. A sheik on a bike wanted to take me home at 5 am in the morning, promising me a world premiere if I went with him...eh...don't think so, but it made me smile. Lissa and me broke into a building construction site, went over the fence (can't believe I made it) and roamed this Nomandsland hunting for a picture. It was fascinating and I took some terrific shots, only to delete them again, because only one picture per assignment was allowed. After 16 hours we went to her brothers house and took some shots, me under a sword's blade (iek) and her brother sweating (sponged the poor guy with cold cold water) on a hometrainer. I took a terrific shot of his back, but because it was Lissa's picture I had to delete it. So I asked if I could download my picts on his computer. And then Murphy said Hi. Memorycard exploded, PC imploded, my camera said F...you and pictures allllll gonnnnneeee....AAAARRGH. Fortunately her brother (Bless his soul) was so smart to download all my picts instead of only his picture....pfffffew. So after a lot of stress, breathing exercises, my camera kicked back into action and I mailed my pictures to the organization. Stepping out in the brisk nightair I was wide awake and happy to continue.

In about two weeks the pictures taken during this marathon will be on the website: www.fotomarathon.nl
And within a month or so we meet again and the winners of the best sera and best photo are gonna be announced. Don't think I'll win something, because the Marathon was flocked with prof. photographers with canons instead of camera's. But the challenge and the fun will stay with me a long time. It was tiring but it was worth while. I know now that I'm getting older... couldn't get out of bed this morning because all my muscles were knotted together and the pain...auw auw auw. Feeling a bit better now, but ...auw auw auw. I had some aches last friday and Saturday during the marathon I was a bit stiff, but Sunday was OK, so I didn't expect this to happen. Well hope I'll be ready for work tomorrow, so much to do, the week has started, so let's get to work. :))

Oh before I forget this were the assignments (from left to right)

- Seen through a window
- Vertigo
- Dodo (Walgvogel...wist ik veel dat dat een Dodo was...)
- The man who knew too much ("Everything of value is funerable" Lucebert)
- Nomansland
- Camel Toe
- Spirit of Salt
- Dixieland
- Though City (Kranige Stad)
- My stampcard somehow ended up in the middle (???!)
- Zero Tolerance
- Wrong Moment
- Dagschotelman (really couldn't translate that expression in English...eh...anyone?)
- Meeting with Henk
- Revenge in the name of honor (Eerwraak)
- Cold Sweat
- Drowning by numbers
- Swingers Party
- La grande Bouffe
- Aasgier en Asfaltbloem (like Dagschotelman...just couldn't find the right words)
- Dogwatch (last nightshift on a ship)
- 6st Sense
- optical illusion
- The blue hour
- Why me (statue in remembrance of the Second World War..1940-1945)


The naughty picture that almost exploded a computer, a memorycard, a camera and a photomarathon...isn't it worth the while?! :))

Ode to Beethoven...

Once in a couple of years you recover something that you have held locked in your heart and somehow forgot. Till you one day stumble across that loved and dusty part that lights your day... It can happen to you and it happened to me this week.

In a spur of the moment I bought a CD of Beethoven and when the longing tones of 'Klaviersonate Nr. 14 - Adagio Sostenuto' started. It drove shivers down my spine and something warm began to glow in my belly, spreading across my body and leaving me breathless and deeply moved. The soft longing tones of the piano, whispering about passion, longing, sorrow, unrequited love, consolation, hope, being alive, despair...so sad, so real, so close and so immensely beautiful.

For days on end I have replayed this sonate time and time again. And every time I hear it, different pictures form in my head and depending on my mood, I feel new emotions come crashing in like waves into my welcoming arms and heart. I have found myself a gift to remember. A gift that can recharge me like no battery can and soothes my chaotic mind to a peaceful, smooth mirror. A mirror that shows me light, hope, freedom and washes away my despair, my sadness and my solitude.

Long time no see...

Mmm long time no see. Time seems to be running out of control lately, just one flutter of my lashes and ‘Poef’ another week has gone bye bye. So much to tell, where to start…

Idols in Vlaardingen
A hot night a few weeks ago, Jack and I were making a lot of noise and a neighbor came running out into the street. I thought something like; “Oh oh, now we’ve done it.” Couldn’t quite hear what he was saying so we had to tune down the stereo (blasting big time)…still couldn’t hear him, so he had to come upstairs.
I was a bit drunk, well it was warm, the wine was cool and hell it’s summer once a year, so…he was talking to me and I was looking how his lips were moving. Not comprehending one little syllable that came out of his mouth. Finally like domino pieces falling in slow-motion, the words clicked. He was asking if I wanted to help them out and go into the studio with him to record a song. Ehhhhh of course I wanted to help, why not, wasn’t sure I could hold key, but I’ve never been into a music studio before so…why not. I always wanted to sing before a filtered microphone and there it was. Sang only a few lines, but it was fun and the result surprised me. Maybe I will become famous, maybe I should enlist for Idols, or maybe I just have to drink less wine.

Spring is def. over
My hormones are definitely in check nowadays. No drooling after mister Boss, cause I met misses Boss and that takes all the fun out of my sex fantasy’s, makes work a whole lot easier though, especially since I am sitting right across his desk.

Shopping spree
Today I joint the ranks of shopping addicted women… a shoe shop around the corner had a major sale, a pair of shoes for only 1 Euro….Woopy! So I dived into the madness and conquered 11 pair for me myself and I. No rules applied…elbows allowed, it was crazy, I tell you… Wanted to go to work afterwards, but I just sat on the couch and felt totally dazed… rows and rows of women with boxes full of all kind of shoes pilling out of them, women fighting over a pair of boots, children running up and down. Just pure madness… Not doing that anytime soon, but I’ve got my loot spread out before me and I’m one happy lady.

What black men want...?!

On the way home, in a darn hot train, I was wondering about tonight. It was a strange night, pheromones flying all over the place, bodies (including mine) moving to the rhythm of South American music. I flirted a lot, saw an old friend of mine and so on and so on. I think I'm changing, something is happening, although I'm not quite sure what exactly. I don't mind flirting with and stealing someone's boyfriend anymore (who is that alien bearing my name?). I suddenly think black men are hot, I'm using my feminine qualities without shame or boundaries. What's up?

My kind of flirting is not really subtle... I just go straight for it, all twinkly eyes....big smile, white teeth. So my friend M. and I were dancing and enjoying ourselves big time. M. really can dance, I always get a big smile on my face just watching her move. So there we were, tropical heat, beach in the city, alcohol flowing powerful through our (actually mine) veins. When I noticed a big beautiful hunk of a man, who gave me a wink every-time I passed him. So finally I walked up to him, to ask him what was wrong with his eye, because it seemed to want to wink at me every-time it caught sight of me. Oef and then that big dark man began to talk, very cheeky, but I felt my knees buckle and I would have kissed him right there and then. The man was hot. But I promised my friend M. to take a strole and I was really sweating all over the place, so I promised him a dance and went outside. M. and I cooled of under a watermist thingy and just walked around a bit. But I really wanted to go back to hot guy, so we said goodbye and I went in again....and then it went totally wrong.

We danced but the boy didn't have any kind of humor what so ever. I can dance and shake my .... like any Atilian girl...but, eh, that's me myself and I. Trow in another (quite distracting) factor (also known as a man) and this girl is out. I just didn't seem to get the most simple steps and I just started laughing very loud. The irony of the whole situation wasn't missed my me, but the big dark man thought I was laughing at him and with every laugh his ego was further and more seriously crushed (I think). I tried to explain that I was making fun of myself, how stupid is it that a dark Atilian girl doesn't seem to get the Salsa or even Meringue, what kind of lousy black woman am I?! After only two dances he gave up.

Between those two dances he managed to tell me that I had to concentrate on him and not my friend whom I hadn't seen in about 5 years and who I unexpectly bumped into while going for the exit. Eh...sorry...controlefreak? Who's the boss? The conversation was slow, he seemed only interested in telling me things, I suspect him of telling to all the cute girls. He thought I was 22 and he is 35, he wanted to buy me a drink but when it took a looooong time he didn't want me to take a sip of his water...eh...what?! And all the while I watched his lips move and heard a tune in the back of my head slowly pumping up the volume. Think it was something like: "Shut up and sleep with me, come on why don't you sleep with me, Shut up...."
This of course didn't happen, because he got so annoyed with me when we danced a second time, that even a kiss was out of the question.

This is not the first time I seem to have this 'communication' problem with black guys, it makes me wonder....
What do black men want and more importantly...do I want to give it to them?!

Daydreaming Hazards

Someone up there,
is reading my blog and is not all to happy
about me making jokes at fate.

Because I met my biiiiig truck yesterday.
It was blue, scary and way too close.
I thought for a moment my heart would explode.
He stopped in time, I made evading moves in time...but pfffffff.
Not my idea of starting the morning...
So Hello up there, I heard you loud and clear,
learned my lesson, now let me ride my bike.

So much for fantasy

Mmmm so much for my subway fantasy,
I arrived with the subway and he on his bike?!
No cozy return to work after the meeting...
No touchy feely in the back.
Just him riding his bike far far away from me and Remy (me) sitting in a hot and sweaty subwayseat at the other side of town,
all by my lonesome ...sigh...
So much for that fantasy...eh...bike, bike, bike... have to think about that one.
For inspiration only, I will go to work by bike tomorrow...
If you see a dreamy eyed girl just before she is hit by a biiiig truck...
That will be/ was me.

North Sea Jazz Festival

Totally unexpected I went to the North Sea Jazz Festival yesterday with friends from Switzerland. It was my first time ever and I enjoyed every second of it. The ambiance was so different from festivals I've been to. The fun, the people, the sun, the music...wow. I stumbled over my nephew when I was swinging before the stage of Izaline Calister... And the girl could sing and play with the audience as well. We went out with a bang with Omar Sosa were the audience went wild and the musicians were playing and fooling around, teasing each other big time... Yesterday was soulfood which will last me a long long long time. So thanx my dear friends for giving me a ticket to Jazz heaven.

Dreaming the night away

Just woke up from a lovely dream...
Landscape and meadows flowing under my feet at the edge of town.
Finally kissing the one I am longing for in a shadowy barn, soft, sweet and promising.
Can still feel his lips on mine.
Don't think I will ever feel them in this world.
So I think I'll just close my eyes for just a little bit longer and dream on....

Midnight Strole

Couldn't sleep last night, so Jack and I went for a midnight strole. Grabbed my camera on the way out and finally took the night shots of the Botlek I wanted to take for such a long time...

Water and foam fight...

Wasn't all hell and damnation today....actually had quite a lot of fun as you can see for yourself...

Eternal rebound rebound girl

Don't know what went wrong in my former lifetime, but I seem to be destined to be the eternal rebound rebound girl.
The one who picks you up when you're down and out, your heart and ego crushed by your ex-girlfriend and what do you see? It's a bird, it's a plane, it's Bo to the rescue...

Only to be dumped from seven heavens high when both are healed and up and running. Leaving a silhouette kind of hole in the ground that should and used to be me. And there I go again...I dust myself of all particles and memories of you, lift my shin up high, look up and start climbing those stairs up to ground zero again...again... and again....

I'm getting quite tired of this roundabout, won't someone up there play a different tune, haven't I learned my lesson by now...do we have to leave the recorder on repeat?! When will someone be crazy about me for a change and not the promise of a new fresh start, the one who wipes the slate clean so you can marry and have children with someone else? Hello... is anybody out there... Hello I can't hear you...eeehhhhh what?!

Fluttering summer skirt

This morning my usual tomboy clothes were left hanging in the closet giving me sad and puppyeye looks... But no, I was persistent and I couldn't be persuaded by sad looks...summer skirt it was and summer skirt it stayed... Because it was sooooo hot. I wanted to feel the wind lift up my skirt and feel all woman, free and looking forward to perform my Marilyn Monroe pose...oeps.
It felt sweet to lift my skirt to go up and down stairs and feel the fabric flutter around my legs. I think I spoiled the effect a little by running barefoot up and down the hall of my office and sitting on the floor while archiving many many documents. I don't think I will ever be a lady Lady, but it felt good to be a woman today, think I'll give those womanly thingies more air out of the closet. Maybe I'll surprise myself and one day a lady will look back from the other side of the mirror...but I don't think so. I am just a bit too crazy/silly to sit up and be good allllll day, just want to play and well... it IS summer. Summer times are my favorite. So please up there, give me a summer to remember?!